torn flag

there's blood in the water

I'm bitten! I'm broken!

your laughter's teeth

cut me to streamers

 

watch me sink slowly

Diminished and finished

like flotsam that's lost

in your undertow suction

 

destruction! dysfunction!

the junction disjointed

all signs point to doom

I'm tragedy's ghost

 

a memory wasted

erased by your blue eyes

but clinging to existence

flown like a torn flag

Reviews

[Deactivated_BurningDemo..]

I love the pace of this. It shows the pain. I like the last stanza, it is softer then the harsher three before hand.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

i'm loving the flow of this. the words are fulsome on the lips..
and "your laughter's teeth" is simply brilliant.
your ending feels like a soft kiss to heal the wound the previous paragraphs ripped open..

[OT]

I like the nautical themes - the flag - flotsam - sinking - the battle that's already lost perhaps! nice!

[Kerry O'Connor]

It's like the call to arms of a defeated regiment battling against the odds.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

The way you used the words pushed the point fantastically, really high-lighting and pressing it into the reader's mind. The little flicker of hope at the end brings it to a nice close.