Guidance

12/13/13

     Casey'd felt so torn the last two weeks.  Beside herself, she didn't now what to do.  It sounded so cliché.  She couldn't eat.  She couldn't sleep.  She wanted to blame it on finals, but wrapping that up brought no real relief.  In the parking lot outside the school, she cranked her car and prayed for guidance.

     She was lead to the metaphysical shop.  She'd been here a few times; purchased a few things.  But she'd not before been seeking as she was this day.  She needed answers.

     Casey browsed patiently as the ladies of the shop enjoyed their lunch.  She herself was hungry, but knew food would be a grounding force after a reading, and as shaky as she was, it would be best to wait.

     Thirsty to acknowledge and demonstrate to the Universe she's been listening, Casey sought reminders of what she already knew.  She picked up and read over eagle medicine and raccoon medicine:  the need to move forward fearlessly, for various approaches, and masks - knowing she was to be approaching a 21 day to 2 year cycle.  Finally, the elder of the two ladies was ready.

     She pulled out a chair opposite herself for Casey, sat and explained.  "I am going to shuffle the cards and call upon my guides and angels.  Then I'll ask you to state aloud the full name with which you were born, and call upon your guides and angels."

     As open as Casey stays spiritually, she felt weighted and guarded.  Only she couldn't understand what against.  This is why she was here.

     "Your full name?"

     "Casey Jo Hines."

     Before the lady could even get to the cards, she began gently with a Healer's smile, "I see a fence.  A tall chain link fence topped with barbed wire.  What are you blocking?"

     Tears, huge and rolling hot began to pour silently down Casey's face.  "I don't know" was her first and honest response.

     Three cards were drawn:  a center and 2 'bookends' all facing Casey, meaning these to be things of which she was aware and to be actively manifesting

          DREAMS, HARMONY; ABUNDANCE.

     The Healer asked, "What is it that has you off balance?  What is your question?"

    Casey managed, "I have met someone.  We've been dating for a month, during which time I've felt courted.  Now she's saying she wants to be just friends.  I have only ever been so drawn to one other person, which did not go well.  I feel the Universe has a lesson for me that I have apparently been unable to grasp and learn.  I want to, but do not understand what it is, and don't know how.  My energy is torn."

     With this, the Healer expressed feeling drawn to consult the second deck on the table.  As she shuffled, one card came out of the deck on its own without being drawn.  This indicated it to be the strongest, most important and vital card of the reading:  AWARENESS.  The other four were drawn:  2 facing Casey, and 2 facing away.

     The 2 facing Casey were SUFFERING IN SILENCE and FIRM FOUNDATION.  The 2 facing away were CROWN CHAKRA and BALANCE.

     The Healer vocalized, "This suffering in silence...you have not been a victim so much as time and again given away your power to keep people in your lives.  There is nothing here that you don't already know.  Only the Universe is presenting you with this over which you have the choice.  Acknowledging and making the decision will aid you in allowing yourself to keep your power and not give it away, because you cannot do that anymore.

    Crown Chakra and Balance facing away from you indicates you are aware, but the questions you have been asking having to do with trust and truth have been conscious based rather than subconscious based.

     When you feel that feeling your gut, stop.  Breathe, and ask Source:  'What is the best course of action for the Divine and Highest Good of all involved?  Is this for MY highest Diving Good?'

     Understand?"

     Casey looked to the ceiling and laughed, tears still streaming down her face.

     "Yes.  I understand."

     The Healer continued, "This person is in your life for a very specific reason."

     Casey's body continued crying and laughing, involuntarily reacting to the irony of the Healer's words - words which she'd already heard recently two if not three times from the very source that had seemingly inadvertently tripped this unforeseen wire-of-madness and roller coaster of emotion within her.

     "Can she help you learn this lesson?  Is she the one to aid you?"

     "Yes."  Casey resigned to what she already knew.

     "Are you ready to accept this lesson?"

     "YES."  Casey affirmed whole-heartedly, if for no other reason than the Universe certainly seemed ready for Casey to learn it.  Casey hadn't realized she'd been denying or fighting it.

     "Okay.  Then it be so."  The Healer affirmed.  "I am going to thank my angels and guides now, and your angels and guides, as we disconnect from this session.  And have faith, you certainly have quite a team of them!"

    Casey relaxed a little at this.  It was good to hear the Healer express this that she herself knew; that someone else could see.  SO MUCH about angels lately.  And so much LIFE, as-well-as so much death.

     Feeling her energy back in her body where it belonged rather than scattered to the four winds, Casey was drawn to purchase a couple stones she did not have.  Especially the one to heal and restore, amongst other things, a healthy nurturing motherly love.

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     Since then, Casey is quickly coming to understand the base of these issues and several stemming factors, and is expediently coming to terms with them.

     This person in her life has the closest she's known to her father's energy in another living being.  Unlike her mother's energy, this is wonderful, and the idea of it being taken from her or somehow going away opened a flood gate of self-conflict placed deep inside her by her mother as a child.

     While her mother loved her, and would say so, she would act in ways that spoke more strongly than her words.  These actions were anything but loving.  So being given what seemed to be mixed signals from this current person frightened Casey's inner child.  That maybe what seemed to be the energy of her father was just an act.  That maybe lying in wait in this person was her mother's energy waiting to damage her:  to say one thing while indicating with her actions quite another.

     And Casey knowing she can no longer give away her power, outside of her own power having little to give other than her true self, and having given of her true self to this person, initially felt rejected or demoted by this person's words regarding "only friends now".  Particularly rejected, because this time all she'd given was so of herself, and however guarded, quite real and loving regardless the kind, name, or label of said love.

     As for suffering in silence, Casey's realizing her abhorrence of the word "silly", her feelings of being easily dismissed, and of never being heard.  -Again, Casey's mother.  Casey's mother to this day will ask a question and talk over the answer, if not turn on her heels and leave the room entirely.  Add to that all the horrid words Casey's mother threw at her regarding Casey supposedly "just trying to be different", etc., and yeah - you get the picture.

     Meanwhile, not being able to sleep and all the misplaced feelings regarding a need and desire to protect those Casey cares about.

     Often at least one child of a borderline personality mother, especially prone to the eldest child of a borderline personality mother, comes this protective nature.  Out of the mother being emotionally false, the child comes to understand emotions as being unnatural and something to fear.  Being something so that Mother even hides and seems to need to control but cannot, the child turns to wanting to protect the mother emotionally seeing as to how the mother refuses the child emotional protection.

     As for the barbed wire fence, Casey realizes that while yes it protects her from physical harm, and she needs to put up blinds as to be protected from emotional harm, she also has to come to 'build' and 'use' a gate.  To be in control and welcome people in and out appropriately and accordingly rather than making them climb and scale and squeeze and scar and jump fences.