Awakening

067/07/12

 

Music,

Lights low;

People that you

Know, though you don't know. . .

Patchouli nursed the air

In a subtle dare,

And though on my own;

I felt more care there

Than I ever did from you

This past spiteful year.

My blistered soul lay sore,

Swathed in this ethereal awakening.

 

 

Author's Note

Art by Kevin Ledo.

Reviews

[Androglossia]

There's a lot of emotion in there. Pain maybe? Regret? When our heart is damaged we usually run for cover. We walk away to forget and let go. It's not cowardice, it's self healing. So that when we come back, we're ready to pick up the pieces and recover:)

The poem is very short but it I can sense a long and sad story behind it. But then I could be wrong:) Well done!

[Melobldnfr]

Thank you. I appreciate your take on this piece. I find your sense quite accurate. Xo.

[Melobldnfr]

*senses

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Yup. Been there felt that. sat in the dark in pain too many times. But finaly found the strength to stop defining myself by the person I am with and enjoying my freedom. I like the way you express this so well.

[Melobldnfr]

Thank you John for reading and reviewing. Your sentiment here is shared, and your words are appreciated.

[...]

I really like this and WILL be back :)

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

wonderful Mel, do we ever really know anyone? Sometimes I wonder.....

[Muse]

I agree with Tate...the opening tripped me a bit...but as I continued to read through it all...the poem worked out quite well. May I make a suggestion to help with the tripping:

Music,
Lights are low;
People that I know,
and the people I didn't know. . .

I changed your you's to "I" Keep it in first person. Nice work.

Muse

[Tate Morgan]

that was very beautifully rendered the language was a bit hard for me but I soon found i followed well