No One Will Hear You Scream

A Third person Horror story about a girl named Sarah who decides to run away from home (short story)

Sarah sat on the roof looking up at the stars, moon right above her head, leaving a light white glow, she heard a noise outside her room quickly she hopped back into her room, closed her blinds and acted as if she was a sleep. Her mother silently opened the door and peered at Sarah's lump in the bed, snickering she closed the door and walked away. Sarah let off a sigh of relief and walked back to the window, she got back into the ledge and prepared to go back out when suddenly her door flew open. "I KNEW you weren't asleep Sarah, get to bed THIS instant. Or you're grounded for a month!" Her mother slammed the door.

Laying in bed Sarah was thinking of a way to just run away, her mother always got in the way of her social life, she was trapped. While laying in bed Sarah thought of just jumping out of the window and running, and so she did. It didn't take her long to get lost, outside in the dark night, nothing but the moons light to shine upon the dark streets. Sarah knew she was lost, panicked and disoriented Sarah drifted off into different directions scattering all around looking for her street, before she knew it she was surrounded by forest, how she wound up in the forest puzzled her, confused she walked aimlessly threw the pitch black forest. A dim light glimmered a little ways ahead, Sarah now running towards it excited to see any sigh of life finds herself at an old log cabin, she knocks on the door several times, but to no prevail nobody answers. 

Grabbing the door handle Sarah takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the worst, with a loud screech the door opened slowly, peering in threw the crack she has made she sees  nothing but darkness. The light that was there earlier now burnt out, leaving her in a dark, creepy cabin with no one around.... "H....Hello?" she half whispers into the house. No answer, continuing deeper into the house she continues to say hello, no answers. Sarah finds herself in a bedroom, the master bedroom, happy to see a bed she lays down thinking  'nobody answered the door, nobody said hello back. Must be an empty cabin.'

She flopped herself onto the bed, exhausted which made it easy to pass out. The bright sun blinded Sarah waking her from her slumber, when see looked around the now bright room she regretted sleeping there. The bed spread was covered in dry old blood, the walls hung with arms and old weapons, gagging Sarah ran for the door, but as soon as the door was in sight it started to open. Panicked Sarah ran for the closest. -THUMP... THUMP... THUMP...- Footsteps, not even 10 feet away from the closet Sarah was in, holding her breath she moves as close to the wall as possible, hiding herself in the blood covered trench coats that lay around the closet floor and on the hangers. A man starts laughing, she closes her eyes and prepares for the worst when.

The closet doors fly open, she screams and cuts past the strange man, surprised he turns around to face her. Both of them shocked puts them into a panic, he chases after her deep into the dimly lit forest, she trips and falls hard onto the ground. Dizzy she makes an attempt to stand up but its to late, she is flipped onto her back, man in a trench coat above her. He pulls out a knife and stabs her in the stomach, once, twice,three, four times. Before moving up her body, he slowly slices up her arms leaving her bleeding from her stomach and arms, he turns around and whispers something walking away " You're in the forest, where no one will hear your screams." Leaving you deep in the forest, you let off a few pain filled screams before bleeding out...

Author's Note

Yes, my grammar is horrible. i know. :P

Reviews

[Shogun]

Hello, TheMelon,

Well, for starters, I must say that this isn't the best piece of literature I've read, and trust me, I've read quite a few. I'm not one to gloat or loathe, but I'm glad you realize that your grammar...well how should I put this nicely, hmm, is below average? Hmm? The events aren't real enough, and that lowers the bar by a lot. You are descriptive, but a little too much so, and you don't really define the emotions that drove your characters that compelled them to do so. Yes, you do specify 'why' but not 'because'. Say, 'She flopped herself onto the bed, exhausted which made it easy to pass out.' Could be rephrased to such: ' She flopped herself upon the bed, ignoring the soft squeaks and groans that would echo every slight movement she made. The bed was disbelievingly warm, the heat seemed to radiate from the mattress itself, the sheets were defiantly scratchy, and the little strands of fabric that would occasionally undo itself made the experience most unforgettable. Under normal circumstance, Sarah would have picked the floor over this monstrosity anytime, but this was not so. The aching in her sore muscles demanded rest, and the ceaseless thoughts in her mind slowly droned itself into sleep.'

See what I did there? With every 'why' you write out you have to conclude it with a 'because'. This entire piece is plagued with spelling and punctual errors, which shows that you don't seem to take this very seriously. Please note that there are courses on this site, and please take a look at them, they help, trust me.

You said this was a horror story did you? Well, I'm not very horrified by the revelation of the events. A good horror story has twists, turns, and a lot of suspense, all three of which you failed badly here. Firstly, the story was too numb and feeling-less so any notion of fear would be incredulous. Hell, the only feeling to be felt here is mockery, in which you have scored upon quite well.

Also, in a good horror story, physical dismemberment is hardly enough, whether or not you are as evil and creatively murderous as Jigsaw, the guy from Friday the 13th or Scream. It is the emotional and psychological aftereffects that count. Have you read the article sometime back which is about which SAW trap was the 'best', and coming in number 5 was the Needle pit, which, is quite self-explanatory really, a pit full of syringes with needles on the ends so sharp it can pierce the human skin with the slightest touch. Not very gruesome is it? Cause thats just the physical part. The emotional part comes in when a convicted drug trafficker is supposed to go in the pit. Now that, would change the way we will look at the situation altogether.

All in all, I am not here to put you down, and please, do continue writing, cause with practice comes perfection. Now should you have any inquiries, regarding this review or otherwise, please, feel free to message me. I would be more than happy to oblige. ^^

Shogun

[TheMelon]

This was the first time in quite a while of me attempting to do a third person point of view, i will get better.