The Change In Mood.<3

Mainly about change. For English class. (: I'm looking for feedback! (: Thanks. (:

She used to hate school
long hours of being inside that small building,
she wanted to be outside with her friends,
with the smell of freshly cut grass in the air.

 

Now she can't stand summer vacation
long hours with nothing to do,
too much fresh air,
and the silence that she cannot stand,
driving her insane as every slow second passes.

 

She used to keep to herself
she hated new people,
she was quiet,
sitting in the background while others made the scene.

 

Now she's the life of the party
social butterfly is what they call it,
she's loud and obnoxious,
colourful words pass through her lips,
as she is the one that causes the scene now.

 

She used to be a good girl
never wanted to fight,
confidence flowing through her,
good decisions were made,
homework always done,
always told the truth,
staying sober.

 

Now she's not at all what she's made up to be
fighting all the time,
she's insecure,
she hates herself,
making all the wrong choices,
no homework and failing all her classes,
lying,
she knows just how to get what she wants,
never sober,
she exhales as smoke passes through her lips,
and slowly,
she floats away with it.
<|3

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

This was a fantastic piece of poetry! It's use of repetition along with the counterbalancing of ideas from past to present really made it read smooth. I liked how the last stanza was longer than the rest, it reminded me just like a whisp of smoke trailing in the wind... like the thoughts had ended. It linked the image and the word form together perfectly.

Great Ink!
Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

[BrokenJuliet]

I love the emotion and the transfer of one to another.It's really interesting to read. Your a good writer,and I enjoy reading your work.

[Andrew Wright]

Repitition is a tool used by writers, and I didn't feel that you overused it... While pveruse IS a bad thing, in this case I felt that you centered the poem around this girl, and I could not keep from following every line to delve into who this girl is... Thank you for this experience....

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

The title is apt and I like how it neatly runs through the journey of your poem.
Two things I'd like to point out to you are the repetition of 'she' and the heart sign. Although it's cute and sweet you don't need to put that heart sign. Also try and avoid overusing a word at the start of your lines. In this case the word 'she'. Other than that I enjoyed your poem and the way her mood changes throughout.

[Ashley.M.E]

xD figures you added this. I loved it in class I think it was the only one I remember other than umm umm o.o yep the only one.