Who Could have Known?

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!

            A party house police report:

           

            We had to take the smoke alarm off the roof anyway, because it kept going off, so we figured we might as well use it as an ashtray. We were fairly certain it would never work again, but we were equally certain smoke alarms were cheap, so we could just replace it eventually. We put out every kind of smoke-able thing with it, until it was mainly a mess of burnt plastic something the shape of a normal ashtray.

            That said, using the fire extinguishers to spin people on swivel chairs in a game we called “Human Battle Tops” was not our most sagacious decision. But who actually ends up using fire extinguishers for fires. And there’s no law against spraying them at people while consuming alcohol. I’ll admit, there’s the small print on the bottom of the canister that reads “do not operate while intoxicated,” but that’s what gave us the idea.

            Filling squirt guns with 151 proof rum was inevitable. How else can one play “boozer-soaker splash party.” And the warning about the “flame stopper” on the caps might as well have said “child lock.” No thanks.

            When someone plays “The Roof is On Fire” over the boom box how can anyone resist lifting their lighter up and swaying side to side, especially if standing rigid straight is tricky anyway?
            So you see officer, that house fire is hardly our fault. Now about that insurance… 

Author's Note

The small print is in Helvetica.

Reviews

[Tate Morgan]

It sounds like a good night to me lol What is wrong with having a lot of fun?

[Marie]

Getting caught?

[Green]

This was amusing. You did a great job of showing the rationalization of someone(s) who still sounds pretty drunk. Asuming you discounted all logic, this explanation even made a little bit of sense and what can I say, some of those things even sounded like somewhat fun ideas.

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Green. I would also suggest spraying flame retardant substances on the staircases when you go mattress sledding.

[Trigorin]

This is very nice. Humorous, fun piece that doesn't take itself seriously, which is always nice to see. Well done.

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Trigorin.

[Marie]

This is really funny. I'm sure the officer was understanding and the insurance paid off without a question.

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Marie. Unfortunately the prosecution didn't buy my "But fire is really pretty, so it was technically a performing arts demonstration" defense.

[Marie]

Well what do they know?