Alas They Were Together

A poem about my girlfriend and I.

Alas they were together, but only for a month;

Their love for one another: bound and held with trust;

The heaven they created, how beautiful it was;

Nothing lasts forever though, soon they must depart.

 

Heartbroken and soul-shattered they were;

The love that bound them was such a curse;

To see the other once again;

Their hearts were always one; The End. 

Author's Note

It could use some work, but before I go off changing stuff that shouldn't be changed let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Mak(ayla:)]

Don't change it. It's perfect just the way it is. Speaks so much truth. Love sucks. And yes, you're right. Nothing lasts forever. Very well written.


Always,
Makayla

[?]

i liked it, at first i was not really sure about it but in the end it was really good :)

[Moonie]

The simplicity with which you conveyed this is brilliant. My only suggestion would be to work on the last line of the first paragraph, and the third line of the second paragraph. They sound a bit bland, and disturb the flow.

[Michael Thrower]

Thank you, and yeah the 3rd line on the second stanza is like an itch to me. I'll take note and get to it.

[MsJewel]

Your words are simple, yet powerful. You have described so well how a romance can fall apart.
Love was cursed - it sure can feel that way.
Great writing Michael

:) Julie

[Michael Thrower]

Thank you for the kind words Julie :)

[Zany]

Romeo and Juliet? Or any lovers whose love proves fatal. Good stuff.

[Michael Thrower]

Thank you so much.

[Zany]

word up. No worries

[Lost in Wonderland]

I sort of like the abrupt ending, it works for the piece. Its simple, but deep. This holds all the hopes and despairs of your love in a mere 2 stanzas. Well done:)

[Michael Thrower]

Thank you very much :) Gotta say, I could have done better and I know it. I was just too lazy to fix it.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Eh I have pieces I feel that way about too