Spiraling Down

Dealing with depression, loss, faith, purpose: writing is a cathartic healing.

Trapped within these padded walls of bone and flesh, a door cracks and before me a spiral staircase opens downward, into the black hole of my soul,

The horizon of my words has long been forsaken by worldly measures, and human endeavors as I become utterly alone within my own darkness.

Each blind step down results in another death of me... as I slowly descend into the deepest pit of my soul.

Tokens of affection pay the ransom held above in the light; lost loves and symbols of meaning become memories from ancient time and space.

Words thrown like daggers now pierce my soft shell and I bleed: the lifeblood of a monster awaiting my arrival.

Betrayed by faith in lessons of lesser awareness and false evidence about reality; the fear grows wild and reckless, and I succumb to my fate.

Cliches and reminders float around me swirling and grasping to take hold, but I have become slippery and translucent to them.

Awareness is all consuming in my hind sight, though as I turn to look for it a vanishing takes place and I am blinded permanently.

Now I embrace reality and accept the truth; I am at the end which is the beginning. I recognize this place as familiar and recreate myself with matter expanding outward...

A rushing tsunami hurls me into consciousness and I open my eyes to witness the sun and moon dancing on a cosmic plane and I realize I am star power: essential and unique and worthy to express all of my truth.

Reviews

[dan]

todd, your writing is breathtaking. The way you present it, in stand-alone statements, makes it read like a manifesto and I mean that in a GOOD way. So much emotional undercurrent, such vivid use of imagery and wordplay...they serve to intensify the effect of the arranging of words that you handle so adroitly. I hope that you can work through this temporary knock on life's time clock, use the cathartic benefit of expressing your stumbles in cogent thinking...get back on the horse unencumbered by a dark feeling, a depression, a scar on your soul. Climb back up todd...it too is cathartic. take care...dan

[modtoddinc]

This then is a poem recognizing the truth of my feelings. Full-on depression. An extremely dangerous place for anyone to be, especially an alcoholic in recovery... The very title expresses the journey: spiraling downward, losing control, giving up... Raw and Powerful energy, unharnessed can devistate instantaneously. There is also hope and awareness, a knowing of healing through expression. I would remain in deep depression, as the next few poems display, but I intuitively knew and know that I needed to embrace the experience in order to accept it and create change.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing description of depressions.
"Betrayed by faith in lessons of lesser awareness and false evidence about reality; the fear grows wild and reckless, and I succumb to my fate. "
The above lines stood for me. When we see no hope or chance. Depression and fear can take over. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[wordman]

life as you get older seems to have let you down,expectations and dreams seem lost
a sort of depression moves in,great write

[modtoddinc]

"A certain darkness is needed to see the stars."