It Will Be

Title: It Will Be

By: Joshua Casimier

Date: August 2, 2011

Time: 11:33 am

Let me now become a figment of your imagination..

Hurt my dreams and intentions feel free to now take me out of your life.

No longer do I wish for participation.

I am sick of the men...

I am sick of the women..

Sick of the enemies

Sick of the so call friends.

Would you believe that I cried tears on the ride home yesterday night.

This morning I did it again.

I am dried out of them..

All I see is black with a shed of gray in my sight.

They want me not caring I now worship the night.

I avoid the light of day as if a comet has now come over the sun all is in a dark color no color to stop signs.

No nothing.

….. I can't stand the light.

Now as I walk through this valley of the shadows of not fearing death; but a valley of broken pieces of all the people like me.

Along with their innocent forgotten broken hearts.

I am now without one as well.

No longer is this former organ in my body shall be ripped apart.

I tried to kill my pain, but it brought more..

Who am I?

Who was I?

What will I be?

To try to separate the tides of love.

So hard I try to forget that day.. yesterday..

Those images in that dream that happen in reality...

Damn that sight..

Such a horrible night.

Though behind a smile you never know what one truly feels or what they want, and the difference between wrong and right.

An example is mine...

That people see every day mine is this.

My soul screams for freedom to live an normal emotional life, but here I am stuck caring. My soul cries for deliverance.

Though its funny and that term I use lightly if those words I udder to hear out of “her” mouth I wish I was able to hear.

“I am yours”

Would she truly be mine?

Then I argue with myself can I finally get this right?

Is it my time?

As I wake up with headaches in the morning as if repressing memories is a good thing.

Tomorrow is a new day..

That crap makes me want to vomit..

Tomorrow will be here as evolution makes it worse.

The reality is we are not promise.

She told him I love you and that she feels guilt.

It is not her it is the situation that has me on this trip.

Although all the other times I use to not let it bug me cause my good side use to stay ahead, but now it lags.

I am not returning from this trip.

I don't know where I am going, but I manage to pack my bags.

How I wish that this....

All of this did not bother...

How I wish I can see...

How I want to go visit my farther..

How can one help who they like..

How can one hope and help something that they might love?

How can one not feel what you feel?

Know that where ever you are right now..

I am not your enemy I never will be...

The enemy of my non enemy is my enemy, and that person is me.

I wish you all the best...

I say that to myself as I am doing this is the mirror.

I see my intentions with “her” you.....

This may be the last thing I write for a long time.

I would give up all I have in life to clear my conscience.

As said before I am the only one who can stop me...

I am the warden of my 6'5 prison.

Who can let myself free.

How I wish I would have not faded away that day... That night....

I wish I could redeem, but whatever is going to happen I am going to be the prince of the cool frustration.

Whatever consequences that I face or inflict by self.

It is not going to be the death of me, or the revolution of me.

Its going to be my salvation.

“ In my dreams you may be mine.

Although in my life you are just a dream”

~unknown~