The end

Another challenge from Doug! :)

I felt it move
Last night –
The world,
As if the end were here
And we were falling from the sky.

I lived it all
Last night –
My life
Alone with someone there
And hidden tears inside my eyes.

I felt it move
Last night –
The Earth,
I thought, “The end is here
And that is all about to die.”

You touched it once
Last night –
My hand,
As if the end were here
And we were falling from the sky.

You held it soft
Last night –
My arm,
Together with you here
And hidden laughter in my eyes.

You kissed my lips
Last night –
So sweet,
I thought, “Tomorrow’s finally here
And yesterday’s about to die.”

Reviews

[Illegitimate Artist]

Your flow was very nice and each verse very pleasing to the eye. Love the dreaming feeling this piece gave me. Very awesome.

[Doug]

You kept a good structure in this poem. You did a good job at keeping the words to a minimum. One thing I was noticing about the poem though was that it's trying to be big you know? I can tell it was a very personal moment that was very special. The poem shows that. But the point I think I'm trying to get at is that it could be anybody's special moment. There's no specifics. I don't want anybody's special moment. I want to read Mokey's special moment. You know what I mean? If you take a look at some of my poems, you'll see it's like I had no desire for people to even understand the poem practically. It's that personal. There are specifics of my life in the poem so the reader knows it's about me and not anybody. Write for Rob, not the entire world. I think you'd find different things coming out of the poems. You're doing fine though. Poetry isn't nearly as easy at it may seem. Practice makes perfect. I'm still trying to figure out how to write poetry.

[Raef C. Boylan]

I like how it changed from the world ending to the day ending. Lovely piece about bedtime snuggling, which starts out in a melancholy mood and goes on to be more uplifting. The repetition of certain lines throughout worked well to place emphasis on the change in feeling.

Good write.
Thanks for posting this.