May 26, 2013

The trees shake the rain from themselves
and the rain hits the window. 
I’m embarrassed since my room’s a mess,

to have the rain and its tasters looking in. 
The girls lie out under the 
thunder, in sheets made out of beads. 

I open the window and pretend I am one of them, 
these girls who can breathe 
underwater. What do they put in the rain to make it 

taste this way, like lavender and cucumber and grape?
Lightning x-rays the sky. 
A few of the stars are winking. Thunder, come closer.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing description made the poem come to life. I tell my Grand-boys when we have thunderstorms. It is Thor having a bad day. I like the places your poem took me. I like the closure of the poem. To fall into nature allowed us to know freedom. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Cool Handless Luke]

I really like this. I am sure my dad's love of the rain and storms and the fact that May 26 was his birthday is what drew me to it but I like the style and flow and format of it. Thunder, come closer is a perfect ending.

[—-]

Such potent imagery. Loved the idea of lightning x rating the sky. Also such feminine imagination throughout. Truly exciting writing :)

[—-]

X raying even! Auto correct spiced it up a little!

[Clockwork]

I really like the first and last stanza of this poem. I like your use of personification and imagery in your first stanza. You always have a strong narrative voice in your poetry, and that is the case again in your opening stanza. I think your use of sensory details like taste in the last stanza is really awesome. Then you also have the visual of the winking stars. Very nice touches there.

My only question is about the order of the second stanza. It almost feels like you could include the first line of the second stanza with the last line of the first stanza; it still seems to be part of the same thought overall. So just a minor suggestion from me, but I really liked what I read here, and I am enjoying reading your work.