Dear little sister,
All our lives, we were told we were just stuck in our situations. Told that we will never escape. This is our lot in life. I accepted it with zero conflict. You, on the other hand, you always knew there was more. Every time someone tried to beat you down, back into that box, you burst back out with no remorse. My little sister, the fighter. Nobody came to save us so you became the person who saves others. Now you are the one telling me that there’s a way out. It’s ok to stand up and take a step out of that box. You tell me every single day to act. I wish I knew why I couldn’t. I am so beyond proud of the life you have built. And jealous. Jealous that you realized your self worth and refused anything less. Yes, you have seen my potential our whole lives. And you’ve watched me waste it. What I wouldn’t give for you to be proud of me, the way I get to be proud of you. Yet, I can’t move. How can I want something so terribly, bur be absolutely petrified to even attempt to try. I am stuck. Stuck in some remote version of my thinking that i cannot seem to abandon. This way of thinking has kept me safe. How did you do it, little sister? How did you see what you wanted and have enough backbone to simply go after it. No matter how impossible the dream seemed to be? We have watched each other grow up but only one of us got to watch the other grow. One day, I promise I will make it out of this box, this paralyzing fear, and I will act. I will act on my own dreams. I will do it scared. I will think of making you proud every painstaking step of the way. Thank you for seeing the great in me when all I felt was fear and a dulled mind. I’m sorry that it’s going to waste.
-Your Big Sister
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