Why?

With hopes of moving on.

I thought I didn't love you,
it felt easier that way.
I thought it was only attraction,
which is why you chose not to stay.

I forgot we were ever friends,
the conversation we had.
I forgot we came from nothing,
something that made us sad.

It was never easy to change the stars,
to choose each other each day.
It was meant for us to be apart,
before that month in May

I know you would enjoy how sad I was,
now that you're all gone.
I know you feel like you won,
and I was just the pawn.

Maybe I didn't cry for you,
but for the others involved.
Maybe there were dreams for us,
dreams which are now left unsolved.

Why didn't you get the help
you needed?
Why didn't we last when I questioned,
you didn't heeded.

In the end, was it just a game?
Between you and I
In the end the battle of the sexist
which left me asking why?

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoy.

Reviews

[JayG]

I see a lot of potential in your work, but there are some things getting in your way.

Prosody hit me first.

• S1L1: I thought I didn't love you, ... Iambic, three feet.

• S3L1: It was never easy to change the stars, ... Iambic 4 feet

• S6L1&2 Why didn't you get the help
you needed?

Seriously? A line of “you needed?” Better to have ended L1 with a question mark, and stated L2 as: “The help you badly needed.”

S6L4: you didn't heeded.

You’re forcing the line to your need to rhyme. But it’s the thought that matters. The rhyme is only an accent, and should be such a perfect end to the thought that rhyming seems accidental.

Take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled on Amazon. It’s a brilliant analysis of the flow of language and prosody.

And finally. This piece you talking TO someone unknown, about events and feelings that are meaningful to you, but...given that the reader knows neither party, or the events leading to whatever happened, what’s in it for the reader?

My point is that instead of telling the reader of your feelings, work to make the reader experience them. The nonfiction approach we learn in school is fact-based and author-centric, which colors this piece. Instead, use the emotion-based and character-centric approach that makes fiction and poetry a joy to read.

In essence, the nonfiction approach tells the reader, “I cried at my mother’s funeral.” The poetic approach is to give the READER reason to weep.

Make sense?

[Kady R.]

Woow, I appreciate you taking the time to review my poem. Your review does make sense. Thanks🤗