It just occured to me...

Handing a man on the edge a computer and internet access is dangerous.

 

 

I can use this blog to gripe about anything I want. I finally have a way to b***h about all the spam I get at home and, more especially, at work! I'm not joking, here. I have to filter THOUSANDS of junk e-mail every single day. After a normal weekend my filters caught eight thousand out of ten thousand junk e-mails. But I spent the first two hours of my day just going through the rest.

I'm telling the world at large, right now...

 

• I don't want to gain three inches, it'll ruin my whole wardrobe.
• I've no interest in lasting thirty-six hours, that would kill my fiancee.
• I don't want to sign up for a dating service for horny housewives, they need marriage counseling instead.
• I don't need every e-mail address in the world on one CD, I can barely keep track of my address book as it is.
• I don't believe that an internet millionaire wants to share his secrets with me.
• I don't believe that I can't share in the inheritance from the death of an African royal.
• I'm aware that my computer may contain a virus, website information, cookies and various pastries, as well. Your product isn't needed to delete it. I know how to clear my cache, site history and use my freakin' delete key.
• I don't believe I sent you an application for a damn mortgage.
• No one told you that I'd be fun to talk to and should check out your pics.
• I've no interest in the key to four hundred porn sites... hell, I don't even want one.
• I don't want/need prescription medication for impotence, hair loss (okay, I may need that one) or pain from an offshore pharmacy that has the lowest prices.
• I don't want to learn how to stop annoying e-mails from the people sending them to me.
• I can't read Chinese, Korean or Russian and the German I know tells me that the guys sending all the e-mails about German tourists being murdered needs to start his own online 'zine and leave the rest of the news to the professionals because I don't want it in my damned inbox.
• I invest poorly enough on my own (I own several shares of an investment company that I worked for) and I don't need advice from random e-mails.
• No, I'm not fat anymore, but you calling me that wouldn't entice me to buy your stinking pills.
• My fiancee has not informed me that she'll leave me if I don't buy your product that will magically make me a legendary love god... you lied to me and that makes me very angry. Go away.
• Your software prices aren't the cheapest and I don't want to pay to have illegal pirated copies shipped from India, Korea or anywhere else overseas, thanks.
• I haven't even financed the first time so I don't need to refinance, besides I get enough crap about my lousy credit from people I trust.

My final observation...

If you don't know how to spell I'M NOT BUYING ANYTHING FROM YOU!

Have a great Monday, everybody, and keep smiling!

Reviews

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

Made me smile, laugh and want to read more. well written :)

[Stephanie McCants]

You definitely have hit the nail with the hammer with this one. You should submitt your top tens to David Letterman or even combine them in a collection to submitt to publishers. Very witty and funny.