Just some mindless ranting about painful love

Just some mindless ranting about painful love..probably boring to most people

Falling for someone you know you have no chance with is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. The pain of knowing that, no matter how much you care about them, you will never even be close to having a chance with them. The feeling is worse when it’s someone of the same gender that you’ve fallen for. That your head gets all dizzy and your heart does a little flutter every time you hear their name or see them. And don’t even get me started on the feeling you have when you’re around them, talking to them and such. It’s such a painfully happy feeling. It makes you so happy and agonizingly sad at the same time. You know you can’t tell them how you feel because that would jeopardize the entire friendship. That friendship you’ve worked so hard on acquiring. You know that if you let anything slip, you could not only ruin the friendship you have currently, but also might end up scaring them away all together. The thought of them finding out scares the living s**t out of you and yet, you can’t help but get closer to them. Try and milk that friendship for as much as you can get without making things weird. I mean, if you can’t have her in the way you wish, then friends is better than nothing, right?

            The problem is though, that soon, you want more. You want what you know you can’t have. And then you become trapped. Trapped by your own emotions. Your need to have some kind of connection with them and your desperate want to be more than friends. You suddenly find yourself dreaming about them. Dreaming about something you know will never be, but can’t help but still wish for on every shooting star, every 11:11, fallen eyelash, and every other thing you’re supposed to make a wish on. You dream and then you wake up, becoming more and more depressed over something you know you should have given up on long ago. No matter how badly you wish you could dismiss those feelings, they just keep popping up. You find yourself looking forward to school because you know they will be there, and when they aren’t, you feel as if something is missing until you see them again. When you’re talking to them, you can’t help but feel all giddy inside. But at the same time, you feel sad, depressed, and unfulfilled because you yearn for her. You want to taste her on your lips, have the smell of her surround you, feel her body close to yours. You yearn to feel a connection deeper than any friendship will ever give you. You yearn for this, already knowing it will never happen. You dream about it, already knowing that dream will never come true. You tell yourself you can handle it, you can handle just being their friend, but inside you know you can’t. Inside, your brain is telling you to cut your losses, give up and distance yourself from her. Keep her out of reach so as to preserve your heart. But that same heart is telling you that you can’t go on without some kind of connection. Even if it kills you, even if it tears you up on the inside, you need that connection. It’s the only thing you have that’s her.

            You can pretend that everything is all right. You can even fool yourself into believing you’re over her sometimes. But then, there’s always that one thing that reminds you again. A hug or, they fix something on your shirt, or sometimes, it’s just the way they look that day. But no matter what, you can’t get rid of those feelings. Try as you might, you just can’t get over them and it absolutely kills you because you’re so torn as to what to do. They’re your best friend. They know practically everything about you. You can’t just turn your back on a friendship like that, but you feel like you can’t stay either. You feel if you stay around for too long you might do something you regret and then you’ll lose her for sure. You feel this, and you wish you weren’t the way you are. You wish you could just be normal. Like everyone else you know. You wish you could like guys like you like her. You wish for just one moment when you don’t feel like you have to hide who you are from the world. You wish that, just once, you could hang out with your best friend and not feel the urge to want to touch her, to kiss her. You wish you could just turn it off, but you just can’t. You’ve tried. You’ve tried to have relationships with guys, but it never felt right. You don’t feel the same rush of emotions and flutter of butterflies in your stomach when they walk in the room. When you kiss them, there’s nothing there. You don’t feel anything but awkward. Nothing ever feels right with them.

            You try to move on from her, but you can’t. Everything just keeps bringing you back to the memory of her. Every time you’re with her, the feelings increase even more. So, you sit there, wishing that even for just one drunken night you could have her. Hold her. Be with her. But, in the end, you always are reminded that these things will only ever be wishes upon stars, late night fantasies, and useless daydreams.

            

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"But, in the end, you always are reminded that these things will only ever be wishes upon stars, late night fantasies, and useless daydreams. "
Take no chances. Never know what you have missed. Mystery of love allowed us to hope and dream. Good to hold on to hope. It is all we got sometimes. Thank you for the story.
Coyote

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

A interesting piece with the same gender and love. I love all the spot on details, those facts that are so emotionally true, you wrote about so greatly. That painful love of not able to have someone is so relatable in life and love to people rather it is the same gender or opposite gender. I enjoyed reading this piece of yours, the details that are so true just make this write so great and real.

[Manpreet]

Interesting piece!

[Barbara Walker]

Your words convey your emotions very well! I think everyone could relate to this on some level. What I found myself thinking was, how horrible this is to have to hide what you're feeling and who you are, not just from this one person, but from everyone every day. How exhausting and soul deadening! Everyday living is hard enough without having to add that aspect to it! This really made me think!

[natzky]

hmmmm...this is really great and very emotional.....heheh
"Dreaming about something you know will never be, but can’t help but still wish for on every shooting star, every 11:11, fallen eyelash, and every other thing you’re supposed to make a wish on"..
.i love this part coz I'm also doing this though it's kind'a childish....lol's...anyhow, thanks for sharing I really enjoyed it..:)

[Dayran]

To everyone who has fallen in love, this story is a monument to the desperate hopes and subtle pleasures that pass through their hearts and mind. Well done.

[Androglossia]

I think I know what you mean because I've been there. That feeling of wanting someone so much that you'd do anything just to have that person for a day that you want to devour her down to her very last cell and never let her go but you had to. You had to let her go. I guess it's no longer uncommon to us all. And the feeling seems always unfamiliar. Suffocating.

I like this write, the plot is well structured and the flow is easy to follow. I like the descriptive nature of the story and you have the skill to convey images into the minds on the readers. Well done. Thank you for sharing.