Autumn

Leaves of orange green and gold fall silently down

Winds make them dance across the streets of the town

Up and down, and in circles the colors blend together

Muted rainbows pas me as I drive in the cool weather

Sometimes they bathe in the sun, at other times the rain

And most adults think raking is a pain

People walking, kids laughing and running through the streets

Hearing the already fallen leaves crunching beneath their feet

The orange green and gold al mixed together upon the ground

Signifies autumns end and the beginning of winters silent sounds

Reviews

[Moonlight]

To be frank the first impression I got was that you've rhymed for the sake of it, not very well thought-out. They did not seem to be preventing me from seeing the real picture of autumn.
Perhaps you would like to work on this fact. I do not find it necessary to rhyme in a poem, and perhaps you should not do so in this one.
Your ideas are really good but you need to work at putting them into practise.
Please don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the poem, but I do think that it could b improved.

[Brette Medb]

I love the autumn for the smell, the beauty of the trees changing and the cool breeze with a hint of the summer's warmth behind them. Growing up in New England fall has always been my favorite season and you had a lot of good images in this but I found the rhyme took away from the poem's possible beauty. The rhymes were sometimes off and they seemed childish. This would be better without any rhyme and just allow the reader to focus on the images themselves. Rhyme and meter can be great for certain poems but they can also be a hindrance to certain ideas. I think if you reworked this a little it could be a really good poem.


Brette