Matrimony’s End

Something I wrote after learning my former partner had cheated an again. A way to encapsulate my emotions about our marriage ending.

Slipping from my memory,
devastated dreams of what our love could be.
Like shattered glass from old energy-
I only wish you could see.

The demons you mistook for chemistry
were fleeting sparks of ecstasy-
a mask to dodge vulnerability.

As we drifted out of fantasy,
no longer sure
what love could be-
the nail in the coffin
of our matrimony.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

People are always dreaming of "falling in love". Falling into a tiger trap might be more advisable. But it's not love that's to blame. Love is, was and always will be the best human experience by far. But our "idea" or "ideal" of love is really messed up because we're taught love is sweet, gentle, kind, romantic and all we'll ever need or dream of. We see that idea promoted in Valentine's cards and cheap Harlequin romance novels. But love is more often matter of fact and plainly honest, hard work, responsibility and personal sacrifice. They call the wedding altar an "altar" because it's where we sacrifice ourselves to love. The old you must die for the new which is now comprised of two and no longer one. It's not "love" that's the evil culprit at work but our unrealistic expectations and selfishness. Too many who think love is all romance and sweetness get blindsided by the truth early on. Love is getting up and going out at 3 in the morning in the rain with the flu because your wife forgot to pick up diapers or stumbling to the stove to make your husband food even though you're worn out because chemotherapy for his cancer has him throwing up again. Love is tough and demanding and takes everything we've got to give and then some. But love is not an animal of expectations or trade. Love is never. do this sand I'll do that or if you don't do this, you don't love me sort of ultimatum. Love is its own reward so it never goes seeking a reward. But love is faithful without expectation and self-sacrificial without demand. People throw the word around like it's a catch-all phrase for everything from like to lust. People "love" pizza or their new car or the latest meme they've read. Some people never find the true meaning of love or experience it at work, directly in their lives. Paul wrote that love, "believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and silences every voice against it". He also wrote that love never fails. So why do over half of all marriages end in divorce? Because people walk into relationships with unrealistic expectations and demands. I've done it myself and lived through it. But I came out wiser and the time I spent trying to figure out what went wrong wasn't wasted. It's not our mistakes that drive separation but our expectations and selfish desires. I enjoyed your poem, I particularly liked the phrase, "demons you mistook for chemistry" because sometimes the demons are actual chemistry like any sort of addiction, bi-polar disorder, depression or anxiety. As you say, you "drifted out of fantasy" but that's the trap that's set; made to look like a Valentine's card with frilly white lace and red hearts and a fat little cherub with some arrows to shoot you in the heart with. But I think Cupid has bad aim and hits some folks in the posterior so all they end up with is a big pain in the butt. Wishing you all the best going forward, F.

[Mysilentembrace]

Fabian, I appreciate your reflections. I too believe that love is something so much more complex than a feeling but an active choice we need to make every day and must choose to do in hard moments as well as good. This was a poem I wrote at the end of my 16 year marriage after discovering my ex partner had cheated again (it happened so many many times). So the references here are less in line with a chemistry I felt with them, we are actually still amazing friends, and more a reference to the ways in which they chased validation through others. The falling from a fantasy is the loss of life I thought I would live with me and my kids. While things were not perfect I chose them actively every day and we both explored our faults in our relationship but I could no longer endure being hurt in that way, kids or not. This was written in a time of very deep grief for me but from it has come a powerful transformation. I appreciate your sharing of your wisdom and your understanding that love is so much more complex than a romance novel or the butterflies we mistake for love int he beginning. I have always been a fan of long term love but it seems so many other chase the high of the beginning.

[Carrie]

Great example of just being confused for love.

[Mysilentembrace]

Thanks, Carrie!

[Neville]

This is one hell of an ouchie .. You motivation to write it is understandable .. I am so sorry it happened but am aware that it does and so very often .. Take care .. Neville

[Mysilentembrace]

Thanks, Neville. It felt crushing in the beginning but in moving through it it’s led to immense personal growth and self discovery and I’m now grateful for the journey.

[Neville]

Good to hear 😎👍

[Brad Dehler]

WHoa. Devastating. Thank you for sharing. Is this a personal piece or a reflection on how 50% of the marriages end? Demons mistook for chemistry. Quite right. I hope you are free from broken heartedness. This is a real cathartic poem. Thank you

[Mysilentembrace]

hey, yes. After I left my ex husband I wrote this in my grief. It was a dark and difficult place for me for so long but I've since come through that and have found a version of myself that I love more, an appreciation for my freedoms, and ideas of what I want to be different in love moving forward. Thank you for your appreciation and reflection :).

[Brad Dehler]

Thank you for opening up and sharing, thank you for your comment too. It is palpable in this poem.