Part 8: Revisited, Rewritten, Revised

There it was. After all this time, it seemed unreal, like it was just a bit smaller than it should have been. Jo had spent the entire trip building up her wits for this very moment but, as she stepped up to the door of the apartment a part of her froze. Knuckles an inch from the door, she stood as still as stone. Everyone watching knew why and so not a single word was spoken. They knew that the hardest thing a person can do is to face themself and this was exactly that. Phil stepped next to Jo and put his hand on hers and lowered it to her side. He turned her head to face him. “Are you sure about this? We can always go back now and it will be like nothing has happened. We can run away, we’ve done it before. We can do it together.” 

He looked at her. Not at her face or her eyes but the true self that was Jocelyn Marie Thatcher. He saw her pain, anger, and fear. His eyes traced the lines that marked her stubborn resolution and hesitation. “I can’t live in fear anymore, Phil. We need this. We can’t keep living a lie, someday we need to go home. That day is today.” 

“What if everything ends up the same?” 

His voice felt small leaving his lips, suddenly everything else felt so large. Large enough that it might crush him if he let it. Looking back at the door, Jo took back her hand and knocked three times in rapid succession. “I won’t let it.” 

It was Harper that answered the door. For a moment he was confused but, when it passed a second later, a range of emotion flooded his eyes, all of which were competing for the front most seats. Happiness, tiredness, and excitement all shared the space in his eyes. “Who are you all?” 

Madison stood and walked over to Harper. Despite the joyous look that Harper had spread across his face, Madison began to cry. Tears of relief ran down her cheeks, washing away his joyous grin with them, as she tried her hardest to stop them. She crammed her hand against her eyes and cheeks in a futile attempt to wipe away all of the sudden tears. “H-hi.” 

Jo didn’t really know what to say and neither did anyone else. Everyone was paralyzed in the awkward position which they had been thrown into. Phil, seeing their hesitation, moved to step inside, past Harper and Madison, still holding Jo’s hand. In an attempt to alleviate the awkwardness, Harper searched for anything to talk about. “So, uh… Jo… Jocelyn, who are all these people?” 

In her small yet determined voice, Jo introduced them. “So, these are all the kind people who helped me to get here. They are just like me, having run away from their own stories. This is Beau, Matt next to him, Moss, Misty in his arms, Elara and…” 

She looked up at Silas and found she still had a hard time believing that he and Phil were the same person. “Phil, my… uh, my boyfriend? Yeah. My boyfriend.” 

Madison suddenly regained composure at the sound of Phil’s name and made her approach the couple. Standing close enough that she could practically reach out and touch them, she began to examine her ex-characters like she was their doctor. She walked in a circle around them looking at every detail. “You aren’t Phil… There's no way. That doesn't make sense. This isn't how I designed you.”

Phil shook his head “Yes, I am. No thanks to you of course. But I will save my daggers because we aren’t here for me,” He gestured over to Jo, “Aren’t we?” 

She began to blush when everyone looked over at her. “...No, no I suppose we aren’t.” 

Her voice trailed off. 

It's now or never, Jo.

Jo looked over to Phil and shook her head. She was aware how cheesy she was about to sound but, for the first time, she didn’t care. “You know what? No. When I told you I would never let go again, I meant it. This includes now.”

She turned back to Madison. “I want to go back-” 

Madison began to say, “I was hoping you would say that-” 

“-But not as it was.” 

Jo let go of Phil's hand and took on a stance of feigned confidence.

Madi blinked. “...What?” 

Jo walked over to the open laptop on the table. “I mean this.” 

She pointed at the open document on the screen upon which sat the words:

‘-Quaking hand undid the lock while the other gripped the handle. In a matter of seconds Jo stood in the street. Night filled her lungs as Jo looked to the deep blackness of the sky. Voice cracking with fear, she screamed into the ignorant void “I know what I am!’

“I don't want this.” 

Madison moved to the computer opposite Jo, sliding it away from her like she was protecting her baby. “What? But… but you are my creation. By what right do you command me to change my work. You belong to me!” 

Jo took a step towards her creator. “I command you by my right to live the life I want to live. Not one that you have planned for me.” 

Another step. “I command you by the right that I have a voice. A voice that you gave me and can never take away.” 

One more and they were face to face. “I command you by the right that I am a person too. Not just some toy to play with.”

Their eyes bore into each other. Identically hazel eyes both with the slightest hint of light green in the recesses. It was with these eyes that Madison saw Jo as she truly was: a human. She has more freckles than I remember, maybe it's just me. 

Jo saw Madison as she truly was. I have seen this face before. It has been there since I can remember. It is one that stares back at me from the bathroom mirror. It's been there during every moment that I have been alive.

“God, she has always been so stubborn.” 

Harper spoke into the room but he knew not to whom he spoke. He didn't really care. Phil laughed, “Yeah, it’s a Thatcher family thing. I love and hate her for it.” 

Harper looked over to see Phil standing beside him on the wall. “Me… too. Have we met?” 

Phil turned to him and held out his hand. “My name is Phil. Some people call me Cheese Steak but I don’t think I quite like that name anymore. Just call me Phil.” 

Harper took it in a firm grasp. “Harper. It’s a pleasure. So, you are Jo’s boyfriend?” 

Phil nodded “Something like that. Are you and…” 

He pointed at Madi who was still studying her creation in deep contemplation before making a gesture of pushing the tips of his index fingers together. Harper shook his head and laughed. “Oh no, don't be ridiculous. I just…” 

His voice faded as his shame grew. Phil raised his hands in defense. “Hey, look, I didn’t mean to pry. But… Well, an important lesson I learned through all of this is that you don’t have to be perfect or even close to it, really. You only need to say I Love You every once in a while and mean it.”

Madi didn’t make it a habit of overhearing other conversations, but within the confines of the apartment, it was impossible not to. She looked over to Phil and, in the singular instant, she saw herself. The girl that lost the perfect man because she didn’t say I Love You. The man that lost her best friend for the same reason. She looked back at Jo and couldn’t help but see the reflection of the man she loved in her eyes. Just because I have had a hard life does not mean she has to live it. Is it not the purpose of life to live as you like and not as others say? She’s a punk that's for sure. Lacking in respect, yes and maybe even selfish but so was I. Hell, she’s already better than I was. Do I feel… pride? I think I’m actually proud of her. 

“What is it that you want, then?” 

Jo looked over at Phil, the others, then back at Madison. “I want a simple life. I want to be with that man. I want to graduate from college. I want to be happy, is that too much to ask?” 

Madison nodded. “Yes, Jo. Yes, it is for anyone.” 

She gave a heaving sigh. “But, if we never set our gazes high we wouldn’t be very good humans now would we. Honestly I haven’t been a very good human for a long time. Maybe you should have the opportunity to be one in my stead.” 

She spared a single glance for Harper then at Phil. “Is this what you want, Philip? A simple life with the wreck of a woman? A beautiful wreck of a woman. Do you want to… do you wish to go back? For her sake? For yours?” 

He hesitated for a moment then nodded. She turned back to Jo. Upon her face was the hint of a smile. It wasn’t a smile of happiness or regret but rather of mutual understanding. “It shall be done, Jo. If not for me, then for you.” 

Madison took hold of the computer, shaking fingers tapped CTRL A on ‘The Tale Of Ms Jocelyn M. Thatcher’ and suddenly her hand hesitated over the backspace. Something in her mind was still resisting. Something that seemed impossible to overcome. Suddenly a hand rested on top of hers. Madison looked up to see Jo, eyes full of determination fixed upon her. She gave Madison a nod, one of faith. Faith in her creator. Madison felt something flutter in her heart. Ever since she left West Virginia and took that one way trip to New York, no one trusted her. Her hands felt as if they broke everything that they touched. Her teeth only cut the lips of those that believed that they knew her. Now, here was this woman, a victim of her teeth and nails, putting all of her fragile trust in her. Madison allowed a smirk to slowly unfold. She returned the nod, closed her eyes  and allowed Jo to push her hand down. When the act was done, the hand upon hers was replaced with one that was larger and older. Jo had become nothing but air. The space where she stood filled with air once more. Madison looked up at Harper who removed his hand from hers. Looking around, she saw that Phil was also gone and, with him, the figures in the doorway. Even now, Madison wondered if they were ever even there. All had become quiet once more as she looked up at him once more. Harper took a deep breath, gathering his ragged courage, and, in a barely audible whisper, spoke the words he had been holding for far too long:   

I     Love     You     Madison

She resisted the tears that began to well in the corners of her eyes and whispered back:

I     Thought     You     Would     Never     Say     That