Desert Rose!

Desert Rose

There is some harshness to this world of mine

Or maybe some barrenness is left behind

Is there a way to know if one has ever been right?

When all you hear is chaos and the winds are tight

This rose has whorls, a rare beauty and is liked by many 

She waits for the rain in heart, they think she likes it sunny

Oh they think, think about things a lot, 

Things they will have and the ones they have lost

What they have right now they seem to forgot 

The rose looks up to the sky and wonders when will He hear

The rain will come down for her and wholeheartedly she'll cheer

She keeps looking up to the changing patterns of the sky

Some making her feel down and deep, others lifting her high

Many cross her in the vastness of the desert, they have story of their own

But those who appreciate little things, to her their happiness is shown

Those who live only for this world, feel a little empty and hollow

And those who find it temporary have better things to follow

She keeps on wondering, if she were a human it must have felt great

But she doesn't know pain demands to be felt and the human faces it straight

Then at times she realizes, there is no point in fighting 

Things are not that bad, can be accepted, for a new enlightening 

Meanwhile she feel some drops and looks up, drops of rain fell on her 

She rejoices, becomes more alive then ever and nothing seems blur

Nayyab Younas Khan

Reviews

[Laconic Meraki]

This poem is pretty much like all of the poems I wrote appears to be more simply combined into one.
That's awesome.

Complexity is shown in mine.
Depths and emotion of loss,confusion, hurt
voices, insanity, blame, twisted games.
Forced to open my eyes- destined goodbyes.
Phases of my life into words.
Wanting to give up but instead knew I had to break the cycle. So i refused to sink.

Not knowing which way to go.
Pouring my pain into pages.
Wishing I could grow wings to escape this.
Life's phases.

Threw into the flames.
Left alone in the darkness.
I kept hope alive.
Refusing to become heartless.
The cycle ends with me.
Blinded or Binded by what you think is "love"-
Realizing nothing is what it seems.

#lovewins
#madeitoutOfTheDarkness
#thereisHOPE.keepitalive

[Nayyab Younas Khan]

Thank you so much for such an amazing review. I am moved. Good day!

[Laconic Meraki]

Ditto. 💞
Same to you love

[JayG]

It seems that, too often, you’re bending the line to the need to rhyme. But the rhyme is an accent, and the words should fit the thought so perfectly that the rhyme seems almost accidental. Logic, too plays a part. Look at:
- - - - - - -
Is there a way to know if one has ever been right?
When all you hear is chaos and the winds are tight
- - - - - - -

Based on the first line, and the word “ever” the winds are ALWAYS “tight,” and the speaker can't do ANYTHING right, which doesn’t track.

And perhaps it’s a translation problem, but I’ve been in winds raging from dead calm to those of a 180 MPH typhoon. (Though, in fairness I was sheltering inside a Quonset hut barracks praying that it wouldn’t blow away with me in it). I’ve been shoved and pulled by wind. And while it often made my sails tight, the wind, itself, is too soft to be called tight.

I suggest you go to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. It’s a brilliant look at prosody and the flow of language. When I read it for the first time I was stunned, and he changed my view of metrical poetry so much that I bought copies for my kids, who were involved in music

As for rhyming, my favorite example of this is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since it’s one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. That’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, it feels as if the poem is directed at us. And that’s a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s emotion-based writing that calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

Let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metrical poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And, each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.

Make sense?

The problem behind the problem, as I see it, is that for the author, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in our mind. But too often, for the reader, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in *OUR* mind, because we forget to give the context that will make the words meaningful to the reader.

Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it was recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 A live recording, later in his career, is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc

Hope this helps.