Keep it together

When you're at war with yourself but your surroundings won't let you be

Keep it together

Smile

Come on…breathe…deep breaths

Oh god, not now…not again

Please don’t fall right now
They are watching
They will see and…they are gonna ask questions

Your failed attempt at grinning will make them
Pause
Ears perked up at the slight crack of your voice
The tremble of your lips
And the melanin overcast by red shades

S**t

It's happening

And they're gonna know that I'm made of other soft materials too
Not only steel

Need to remind myself too
Darling, you are not hard rock dear child

This mountain I'm climbing
Steep , full of sharp ridges and fatal edges

Yet

They say, "nooo don’t frown and be down
You're going to worry the others
You're going to make them sad
Don’t fall…don’t fall!"

Well !!!
I'm worried about myself
I am sad, overwhelmed, discouraged, exhausted
This weight needs a forklift and all I have is my puny shoulders

This weight …it favors gravity over strength

All around me , I'm conditioned to brace all weather conditions
With a jovial smile, a hurrah laugh and a skip to my step

All around me, they want me to take in the unimaginable
Like doing salsa with the company of a tornado
Then not cry when the robust rubble clips my skin acre by acre

All around me, I'm light
My shadows are dark starry nights draped in Aroura
My presence is the therapeutical hug from flames in a fireplace
My mind is as expansive as solar systems can get
My heart…my heart is like untouched emerald ores brewing in value

But you know what
I get tired too

Sometimes my smile cant soar high to my eyes
Sometimes my voice's capacity is minimal and can't be optimized to match your enthusiasm
Sometimes my chest howls with restricted vessels that metamorphizes my pain into passion

And that’s okay

This is my mountain
With my own seasons only adaptable by me
Understood by me
Nurtured and explored by me

And if they don’t understand
Theres nothing to say about that