Anxiety

How it feels to have an anxiety attack in real time

"Are you okay?"

Sirens drastically start blasting
Red. Red. Red lights boom and bloom
My fragile heart too weak for the rapid pace

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Leave me alone, I want to say
The rope of pain around my neck constrict the words
The flood gates at the bottom of my lashes
Fight a war of holding me together

Breathing...
Inhales were a task too big for my somber lungs
Air was too far to grasp
Too slippery for my poor mouth to capture

My chestnut skin glows pink
Then red
Alas the tears well up into an upcoming wave of dispair
Waves that aim to be a tsunami

I held my breath
It's too costly to break right now
In front of the eyes of this looming figure
Eyes I don't wish to see
Eyes that pierce me uncomfortably

"You can tell me, why aren't you speaking?!"

No I don't want to talk to you
The weight is heavy for me, what would it be for you?
You can't even uplift me on my lowest day
The baggage... it burns and I have no protective gear this time
I wasn't prepared for this assault

I close my aching eyes
Feel the pulse of my wrecked heart on my lids
As one stray tear embraces the fall
On my tender rosy cheek

Gravity won once again
The wet tumble began as it rained
Over and over again on my beautiful face

My amber lips quivered into contorted shapes
My breathing rhythm highly unstable
My tender heart worn out
Anxiety glowing like the sun, like a star

I begged for time to stop
To give me a chance to have one last intake of air
One last moment of dignity

Anxiety laughed in my face and said,
"not a chance honey, I'm here now.
I'm here to stay"
Accepting this ugly fate, I complied
Took her hand and kissed it

She smiled, "good girl"
My heart was left alone to recover
Air befriended me again and for a second
I thought I was never going to make it

But I did
Repetitively
Over and over again