Never the Same IC#8 Part Two: Kirk's Love Life

The Girl Named Dee: Innocent, shy Kirk hadn't much luck in the romance department with his inexperience and lack of knowledge causing failures in his relationships. Would Dee change his luck?

 

Cue: “Dawn: Dawn is a Feeling” https://youtu.be/aFbDdmKK--c

A new day dawned for Kirk that first time he laid eyes on her. At that moment, Kirk knew he’d spend the rest of his life with her.   

This is how the love affair unfolded.

On an auspicious late afternoon after wrestling practice, the boy Kirk emerged from the wrestling dungeon fresh from a shower. In the unoccupied back hallway, he spotted her. Cute, petite with slightly longer than shoulder-length dark brown hair; she stood barely above his shoulder, a far cry from tall Babe. For some reason, just seeing her there, then, struck him like a lightning bolt as a girl he had to know and be with. Maybe she reminded him of his mother, at least that’s what Freud had said, maybe he had seen her before and liked her looks, he didn’t know, but what he did know was that he needed to be near her�"talk to her�"be with her. Kirk didn’t know where this need would eventually lead him or leave him, but she would be the love of his life; he just knew it from the start.

  They met eyes for a moment; without a word, Kirk moved alongside her and put his arm loosely around her shoulder without neither of them breaking stride. She dipped her head and giggle snorted. How endearing, the boy was instantly smitten.   

They rounded the corner to an occupied hallway, and he dropped his arm. Simultaneously, they moved away from each other but kept pace. He looked at her, she at him; he didn’t want to let her go after seeing her, touching her, smelling her. They then entered the stairwell foyer populated by a lot of kids from the various after school sports. She veered over to a group of girls to take part in their conversation at the top of the stairs; he stood a few steps down on the other side, one foot under his weight, the other flat against the wall taking a pose of cool. He didn’t stare, but he couldn’t turn away for very long. Her mannerisms, her voice, her poise entranced him.

When the only two buses arrived, the boy was sure, due to his perceived luck in such matters, that she and he weren’t going to be on the same bus, so with a glance back to her he went out and boarded, while thoroughly unsure about his feelings for her and what the fruition of his feelings might be. Would he see her again? Could he track her down? Should he?

The bus was packed; quite full for a change, so it promised a long ride home for sure. The seats filled up, and kids kept boarding including her! His heart leaped. She came closer, and he wondered if he could make room for her, but his seat was already packed full by two other big guys. She stopped right there. They caught eyes again.

Without thinking, Kirk foolishly padded his knee and asked, “want to sit?”

Without a word, she turned and sat down in his lap! Her bodily warmth soaked into his legs, and he discerned a subtle hint of lavender perfume on her. That wonderful fragrance would stay imprinted upon his olfactory sense forever. Not a word was spoken the entire trip. On the far side of town, she stood up to disembark. Kirk really wanted to say something, maybe hear her tell him something like�"maybe her name! He should have found that out at least, but that didn’t happen. Kirk was tight lipped�"speechless in her presence. She stepped off the bus, and he watched her walk up her short driveway as they pulled away. She turned back for only a moment lit in red glow of the bus’s taillights. That memory of her turning back to look would stay with him forever.

Kirk vowed to find out her name and more about her but that trip home was on a Friday, and so he’d have to wait until Monday.  He didn’t know it yet, but he would never be the same with this girl.

Monday arrived. Expecting to find out everything about her piqued the boy’s exhilaration and through a friend’s girlfriend he found out her name. In this account, she is Dee.

 The boy tracked Dee down at her locker later that day and introduced himself by apologizing for not doing it on Friday. She seemed to happily accept the fact that he already knew her name. Kirk walked her to the next class. Already developing dreams of the two of them together, Kirk wrote her name, Dee! On everything he owned.  He spun her name over and over in his head, and Kirk didn’t hear nor take part in any of his classes for days. Trying for utmost politeness with a perfect treatment of her right away, he began carrying her books, somewhat awkwardly at first, but it soon became routine after a couple days. One day, a couple weeks later, he decided he’d try to hold her hand.

As they walked the hall with his heart racing, he shuffled their load of books to his other arm. Kirk brushed her free hand with his, and then fumbled a grip, but he didn’t connect.  Kirk sweated; he trembled; he reached out and laced his fingers around her wrist for a grab. Dee reacted a bit shocked, not sure of what Kirk intended. Finally, his hand easily slipped into her soft, cool hand, and he gripped it ever-so-lightly. She reciprocated with a light squeeze. They smiled widely for all to see.  He couldn’t, wouldn’t let go of her forever, no matter what.

Later, while sitting on a picnic table in the cool of the local park, Kirk offered her his school ring for her finger, and she readily accepted it. Officially, they became a steady couple. The shy awkward boy never imagined he would ever go steady with a real live girl.

Cue: “Head over Heels” https://youtu.be/CsHiG-43Fzg

Soon, holding hands became routine in the mechanics but not routine in the boy’s thrill with her touch. Kirk identified Dee as the ONE! She invited him over to dinner weeks later on, and he became an instant hit with Dee’s mother, father and brother because in their eyes he was a quiet, righteous dude.  Kirk visited her home often, sometimes for dinner but other times just to play cards in the evenings. As the weeks slid by, the boy thought that their relationship should advance from holding hands and sitting with his arm around her at the movies or while they watched TV. But his shyness and anxiousness had slowed his progress on their relationship thus far…

One Friday evening they were invited to the drive in with her sister and husband. Of course, being chaperoned meant nothing much would happen there in the dark back seat, but of course, Kirk didn’t know how to do anything else other than to hold her hand. Halfway through the movie, not a romantic movie by any means, Kirk studied Dee’s stunning profile. He suddenly became overwhelmed by her as never before.

 In the soft, flickering but flattering reflected light of the movie, he admired her fetching looks for a few moments, and lightly, with the crook of his index finger, touched her chin to turn her head to face him. Latching eyes, he slowly moved his face closer and softly, very softly, Kirk kissed Dee.

 What a giant step for the shyest guy around women! She reciprocated in kind with warm soft lips, a grand sensation he could never have imagined before! They didn’t look away from one another. Instantly, they drew closer and tighter and gently kissed and lingered there. Afterwards, the boy felt very proud of himself that he had the courage to make the daring leap to pull off that first kiss. His first real kiss! And so the affair began in earnest after his so-called arrival at first base. Kirk was never the same after earnestly falling in love with Dee.

Cue: “Our Lips are Sealed” https://youtu.be/r3kQlzOi27M

The boy loved being in love, and he didn’t want to mess it up. They kissed all the time including in the school hallways where any such show of affection was prohibited by the school rules and strictly enforced by the teachers and officials. Spotting them together doing one of those things, the faculty would stop them to demand the two stop or face school-enforced disciplinary punishments. But as soon as the couple walked out of sight, they grasped hands again�"at least.

Love proved a glorious emotion for the boy. Never had he ever felt as good as being in love with this beautiful little girl. Possibly endorphins kept the boy on a lovesick high, maybe it was the sheer wonder of his connected situation with a member of the opposite sex, or maybe it was the dangerous exhibition of affection at school that made his love with Dee simply irresistible. Kirk envisioned that everyone who saw them together wanted to be like them with Kirk positive they were one of the few couples in school that were truly in love.

Abandoning him for the most part, Kirk’s friends told him he was hopelessly PW�"p***y whipped, but he knew that he wasn’t because Dee never put any real demands on him. Besides, Kirk didn’t care what they thought, he was completed besotted with Dee’s looks, her giggles, and her warmth whenever they sat and embraced or the jolt he experienced when he held her hand or his lips touched hers. He never, ever wanted to be separated from her and would do anything for her, but no, he definitely was not PW.

Alone, the couple would kiss incessantly. Outside on a bench, on the stairs, or on the hood of his car they’d go from long, breathless smooches to rapid-fire, machine-gun pecks. Kirk couldn’t get enough her lips, and he was sure Dee felt the same. Without delay, they ventured right onto French kisses without any pre-planned thought on his part. And so the deep heartfelt love affair went on.

As the school year waned, their love did not. Attached at the hip as some might say, Kirk spent every available minute with her. Dee had become the most important thing in his life. During the summer, he’d occasionally spend evenings with Dee when she babysat at her sister’s place. Now, with a little experience under his belt with her, they could venture into undiscovered territory. Eventually, he made his way to second base, though she seemed rather indifferent to his caresses on her bare skin.

 It bothered him somewhat that she didn’t show any arousal or return the favors. But on the other hand, what bothered him even more was a little strange habit she’d taken up later on while at her parents’ house though only in their presence.  She’d rub against him with her breasts and even straddle his leg and rub. This disturbed him immensely and such sexual innuendos didn’t actually excite him, they frightened him. What the heck was she doing? Kirk didn’t realize it but things began adding up to…

 One day, he found her alone at home, and she insisted they go to the bedroom. This scared him because he immediately thought his inexperience and lack of sexual knowledge would surely disappoint them both, if that was her intention, and second, her parents would most likely come home at the most inopportune moment. Nevertheless, he lay down with her. She rolled over on top of him in a most seductive manner. This went on for several minutes until his fears proved true.

Her parents had come home! Dee either didn’t seem happy of the fact that her parents came home or they didn’t find the couple in a more compromising position. Suddenly confused in his affair with lovely Dee, Kirk wondered what happened to his beautiful safe lover. Where were they going in their relationship? What did she really want? His lovesick state didn’t help straighten his thoughts out one bit.

As the summer waned, nothing more came of Dee’s perceived sexual aggression though she became more distant and less loving towards Kirk though his love for her hadn’t changed. The boy worried for their relationship because he was soon going off to college. With the change in Dee’s emotional nature, the boy worried about their future together with him at college for months on end without any physical contact. Kirk had a sudden premonitory thought and wondered his best course of action.

The weekend before his departure they went to the drive-in showing a romantic movie. His caresses of her built his desire to take an action that was semi-planned but well beyond his and her experience thus far. In the back of his mind, Kirk knew this was the only way to ensure there would be a link between them together�"forever.  

Cue: “Shattered Dreams” https://youtu.be/cX-8MHKuQ5I

There in the cozy, quiet backseat of his car, in the dark with the romantic movie playing, he slowly pulled her pants down and then her panties. Kirk then pulled down his. Dee didn’t say a word and in the dark, he couldn’t tell her expression or anything else for that matter because his thoughts spun in a frenzied manner. He then wiggled over on her without a clue of what to do.

Dee abruptly asked, “What are you doing?”

 In fact, right then, he completely realized that he had no inkling of what he was doing. Kirk rolled over, pulled his pants up, and then helped her. Right then and there, Kirk knew beyond a doubt that he had lost her. He sobbed on the far side of the car with his face turned away. Dee didn’t respond in any way whatsoever. Kirk didn’t know if he sobbed because he had tried or he sobbed because he had tried and failed.

Suddenly, there came a heavy rapping on the window! Were they caught? Had someone been watching them? A relative? Kirk’s already frazzled deliberations went into stressed-out overload. Wiping his nose on his arm, he rolled down the window.

“Ahh, yes?” He asked the young man.

“Do you want a refund?” The man asked.

Kirk had no idea why the man asked the question. Refund? Refund? For what? Kirk spun over in his head trying to comprehend. It looked weird outside the car beyond the man, hazy weird. Was he losing it?

“Uh, a refund?” Kirk asked.

“Because of the fog. We had to stop the movie because no one could see it because of the fog,” the man said gesturing impatiently.  Kirk now saw the movie screen was completely obscured while the projection beam flickered on the thick fog.

Kirk’s brain was fogged in solid as well. “Ahh, no, no it’s okay.” He stammered while closing the window.

Kirk tried to put on a brave face despite his cowardly sobbing a moment earlier. “Well, ah, that was certainly strange�"” He realized his embarrassingly faux pas. “I, mean, ah, the fog and, and I mean that guy, and ah�"that guy coming right then�"” Kirk choked out a strangled laugh. He wiped his wet cheeks.

Dee said, “Yeaaahhh, strange.”

Afterwards, Kirk wondered if the thick fog might be symbolic in some way to what he tried with Dee, but he couldn’t pin it down just like what he knew about love making.

Story Break

Since everyone reading this true story knows it is recounted well after the fact, let’s take a closer look into Kirk’s contemplation into the symbolism of the fog that just so happened to form at that particular ill-fated time. He actually derived a couple insights into his present situation and possibly his future.

 Fog can symbolize the blurring between reality and the unreal. Well, that could be true for Kirk’s plan and his confusion on implementing said plan. Fog can also symbolize an uncertainty about the future.  Kirk thought this for sure, hence his vague plan. Alternately, fog can symbolize someone’s isolation. We will see if this comes about in Kirk’s future.

 In writing, foggy conditions can be used as an Anagnorisis, the gray period just before a critical discovery. Hmmmm, we shall see about all of these as we return to Kirk’s story.  

Story Resumes

So. Kirk had always thought love-making mechanics was an instinctual activity for people, like animals, but for him, he really didn’t have a clue and that fateful night proved it. Nevertheless, because of his failure with Dee on that night, Kirk would never be the same in intimate situations.

That final week before leaving for college the discomforted couple spent a little time together, but their relationship definitely wasn’t the same. It suddenly became difficult to talk and interact because that fateful night hung like a specter over their affair. Kirk didn’t know because of the way she acted if she was disappointed, disgusted, or had just grown disinterested. He looked at his ring on her finger, but didn’t ask for it back, nor say anything about that night, and she didn’t mention it either.

 A couple quick months went by in college. Kirk wrote and called often, but most of the time when he called, he only got a hesitant “Dee isn’t available” from her family.  He finally visited on holiday break, but Dee sure wasn’t the same, just quiet and standoffish. Kirk didn’t ask questions hoping that time would heal the wounds or they could work it out�"somehow�"but he knew in his heart that they’d have to work hard with real commitment to save their love. But how? He would be gone for months more! He felt very confused and very alone with his thoughts. 

During that visit back home, Kirk spent some time at the old high school talking to the guidance counselor and some old friends. The counselor revealed Kirk’s stature of being the student who didn’t quit and displayed undying perseverance. So, Kirk wondered, if that be the case, would he, should he quit on Dee if they couldn’t get along anymore or persevere in any way he could to save them? He could have never predicted what came next.

One girl who had a crush on Kirk while he dated Dee approached him there at the school. Unabashed, she told Kirk straight out that Dee was seeing other boys in his absence, in fact spending a lot of time with one boy in particular. Basically, he found, Dee was completely untrue to him during his absence. Kirk, with a shocked realization, found that his earlier premonition had proven true! Dee had drifted away or had never really loved him!

That very afternoon, after Kirk’s fiery emotions had cooled down, he drove to Dee’s house. Convincing himself to stay cool, he unemotionally told her that they needed to go for a drive. She agreed but they both sat very quiet and reserved with Dee staying tight against the door on her side staring out the window. His head spun because he had no idea what he’d say or how he would broach the subject of her�"cheating. Yes, with a pain in his chest he confirmed to himself that that’s what she had done to him�"cheated. Without a word, they drove to the park and sat on the same picnic table where they became a steady couple, but now�"now they sat apart on opposite ends.

Like he had found out, straight out, Kirk told her that someone had told him at school that she’d been cheating on him. Dee responded immediately by demanding to know who had told him. Kirk refused to tell her knowing how girls got back at each other for that sort of thing. He asked if it was true. She didn’t respond while just looking at the ground. He raised his voice without getting mad which surprised himself though he felt dizzy, on the edge of losing control. He couldn’t believe the impossible circumstances.

Taking a deep breath, Kirk changed his approach by asking Dee if she thought they had a future together. Dee said nothing. He asked if it was something he had done that drove her away recalling that fateful night but not actually broaching the event. His stomach flipped with the memory seeing this was the first time he spoke to her about it. Dee still said nothing. He asked Dee if they could talk and work their way out of the situation, if he needed to change to fix things and set things right with her. Kirk felt his eyes well up. Dee only shook her head slowly. For a few long silent moments they sat there until finally, Kirk took in a deep breath and reached over to her palm up.

Cue: “Walk Away” https://youtu.be/34abRUUeslw

Without a word, Dee slipped his class ring off her finger and dropped it into his hand.  For a split second, her fingers brushed his and his heart leaped, just for that microsecond, but then the feeling was gone just as quickly. Kirk drove her home without another word. He pulled into her yard and when she walked away he resisted looking at her lovely profile, her long, smooth hair, but he had to look.

Kirk spied Dee spying back at him over her shoulder before she turned her pretty head forward without falter or slowing down. Kirk felt small, crushed knowing he didn’t mean anything to her anymore�"or did he ever? As he drove home with wet cheeks, an aching chest and heavy heart, he bore the feeling he had experienced before, though much, much worse.

 Beyond any doubt Kirk would never be the same. Kirk had been crazy in love and would always be in love with Dee, though he remained uncertain if he had been in love with the girl or just in love with the sensation of his first heart-fluttering glorious love. Was he solely in love with love that gave him the intense emotion that would never, ever be replicated in his life?  Whatever he had experienced, Kirk knew in his aching chest that he’d never be the same.

Cue: “Missing You” https://youtu.be/k9e157Ner90

Kirk carried that love-lost melancholic feeling with him every day and night for a very-long-time replaying each and every breathtaking�"and upsetting�"day he had spent with Dee over and over and over again.

Kirk blamed himself for losing Dee and Babe and even Vi in an offhand way, but besides that, his trust in women really faded after Dee’s cheating. How could Kirk ever get over that?   

Remember Kirk was named” the person least likely to succeed” by his graduating class? Well, a couple years passed and Dee earned the distinction in her class as “the biggest flirt.” Her unexpected accolade perhaps explained that it was in her inherent nature to be a flirt also predetermined her to be a cheat as well, so maybe one boy could not satisfy her after all. 

 Anyway, that’s a bit  information provided here out of chronological order, but along with that information Dee would show up at Kirk’s house around that time with some surprising news that might change the course of Kirk’s life. Read on and find out!