Never the Same IC#9 Kirk’s Cars: Part Three

Uncle Kirk’s Life without the “Blue Bomb,” the “El”, fateful date nights, and Pink Bugs in Distress

 

The Blue Bomb was dead.

Very dead indeed never to be resurrected. Kirk saw the crumbled old Ford sitting there in the weeds behind Mike’s house just that once when the tow truck deposited it there. It might have been his very first car, but Kirk couldn’t say he loved the car all that much. It wasn’t very cool even getting him a bit of ridicule off and on, but still, still and all, it got him around in a bit more style than the parent’s old station wagon; yet, there was Kirk driving the parent’s station wagon again, and riding the cheese wagon school buses home after school sports. Kirk realized that situation would not continue for very long.

About that time, Kirk had handed Babe off to that polite older boy. Kirk would regret THAT decision for a VERY long time, but being naïve as he was made him terrified of girls. Kirk just didn’t know what to do with girls. He didn’t know how to make out with a girl or how to advance a platonic relationship to a romantic relationship, and so on. Despite this rare and strange crippling disorder, Kirk picked up with Dee though he was no longer relatively cool without the Blue Bomb and being relegated to the station wagon of all things.(see: Kirk’s  Love Life Parts one and two) Life couldn’t go on like that!  

Well, Kirk’s brother-in-law Mike always had extra cars lying around. Some of them getting attention to be put back on the road right away and others just sat there�"and sat there. Case in point: An old El Camino sat there for some time and being relatively cool with a V-8 and a three speed manual, Kirk inquired into its future. Apparently, Kirk had no qualms about asking for another loaner car after he basically destroyed the Blue Bomb and left it out there in the weeds. Mike had bigger fish to fry and so told Kirk he could have the “El,” but this time he’d have to supply all the work and materials to put it on the road.

 Kirk readily agreed because he needed wheels. Similar to the Blue Bomb the “El” needed body work on the driver’s side and questionable engine work to get it on the road. Kirk jumped in with both feet working on it weekends and into the night, every night after sports. No wonder he did so poorly in sports, covered in a previous episode, because he overextended himself!

Also about this time, Kirk gave up on his greasy monkey job. His boss was an a*s and Kirk wasn’t learning or doing anything new day in and day out. As he quickly discovered his measly savings didn’t last long fixing up the old “El” and dating Dee at the same time. As covered in “Kirk’s Love Life” Kirk didn’t take Dee out all that often, but he had to do some things occasionally for her like eating out and the movies and such, and so those things also dipped into his funds.

 Within a short period of time, Kirk found another job through one of his friends with a small advertising prop company. They didn’t actually do the advertising per se, they just made the things businesses needed to show off their wares. There was silk screening for tee shirts and such, sign painting, and different prop-type constructions going on. Along those lines, Kirk got involved with vacuforming plastic into usable props.

This was a new technology the shop’s owner attempted seat-of-the-pants. The owner had hand-built the big hydraulically operated vacuformer that held four by six foot sheets of plastic. Above this, he mounted zig-zagged strands of heating element to melt the plastic. Below were the molds that could be changed with a million tiny holes in them that sucked the melted plastic down tightly onto the molds.

 Being on the leading edge of this make-do technology, Kirk first learned how to clamp the plastic sheets into place. He’d then raise the sheet up squarely where the heating elements heated the sheets until they melted enough to sag down several inches. Then, he’d lower the sagging bubble down over the form and when it sagged a little into the form, he’d apply vacuum that sucked the plastic down into all the cracks and crevices of the form.  At first, Kirk might not time the melt time quite right or find the vacuum for some reason didn’t pull the plastic down tight, but in short order he got it right with a finished perfect product every time. This first series of products formed were faux wood end caps for display shelves. With the form’s wooden grain transferred these plastic shaped end caps appeared just like wood cabinets when painted or stained. Kirk had a job that gave him some satisfaction! And it paid all right to boot!

Well, without getting into details like the Blue Bomb, Kirk got the El on the road with a floor shifter that he had installed himself. He painted the El a nice bright red that turned out much better than the old Ford. He had a sense of pride in that paint job versus the bumpy, orange peel job on the Ford. Things for teenaged Kirk were in the process of turning around and looking better who had seemed mentally challenged initially.   

So, maybe in a subconscious effort to stay away from home, Kirk lived in a triad of activities that kept him away. Of course during his teenaged years he participated in sports throughout the school year, even though as we saw in “Kirk’s Sports Days,” he never did very well in sports at all. Then, there were the cars he worked on. Whether it was his own car or helping Mike with cars he was renovating for sale or racing cars, Kirk’s involvement with cars kept him busy after school and weekends.

Finally, the so-called Love his Life or so he thought, Dee, occupied every other leftover hour of his time. Kirk always knew that he should have spent more time with her, given her more attention, but he didn’t all that much time left over, and maybe in the end when it was all over with Dee, he realized  that that was the real underlying reason he lost her. Then again, Dee had a wandering eye for other boys that Kirk was well aware of, but he was love struck and ignored her gaze at other boys because he thought she felt the same as he. This would be another downfall of their relationship. He should have paid closer attention because after that blissful love-filled summer, at least for him, he’d be leaving town while going to college without any way to keep tabs on her.

Anyway, touched on earlier, Kirk had gone to Vo-Tech school for automotive repair for the last couple years of high school which culminated with the Automotive Trouble Shooting Contest. Not to reiterate that whole event, Kirk and his friend failed miserably. Besides summer came quickly and so, Kirk set his sights on a vocational college. The automotive classes filled early, so Kirk only had the option of the diesel and heavy equipment course. Kirk’s father, being a farmer, expressed delight in that option for Kirk, a delight in Kirk’s activities that the father rarely exhibited. Maybe Kirk the Kid would come home and repair the aging farm equipment. Kirk sure wasn’t all that proud or happy to be attending that particular course, but there it was�"deposit made; he planned to go.

Anyway, the old El turned out to be a smoker which was sort of embarrassing for gearhead Kirk. He surmised that the engine had never been rebuilt with 120 thousand miles on the clock. Kirk guessed that the smoke could be remedied with a relatively easy fix of valve seals, but it could (most probably) also be in need of piston rings or pistons themselves. Kirk didn’t have the time nor the money to take on a complete engine overhaul so he just drove it followed everywhere by that embarrassing blue smoke cloud.

That summer filled up solid with work to accumulate funds and then some time with Dee. As previously stated, Dee had a firm grip on his heart and Kirk didn’t want to lose her suspecting that something in their relationship was amiss, but we all know what happened if you read the episodes entitled “Kirk’s Love Life.”

Undoubtedly, the El was not going to college with Kirk. Could it even make it? Kirk wasn’t sure. In a case of Divine Intervention, Kirk gained custody of fine running, good looking Volkswagen Beetle albeit in a dull Nazi green color.  Being a dyed-in-the-wool gearhead, a VW Beetle (bug) wasn’t normally a car to be seen driving in those days of fast, loud muscle cars, but Kirk already had a field dune buggy Bug, and so had learned a bit of “Car-nal” bug knowledge. Nonetheless, Kirk laid money down on the barrelhead and bought said lonely Bug.

 Kirk had heard stories of scant living while in college and so thought the Bug was logical in its ability of sipping fuel, and besides, this was in the heyday of cool VW Bugs. Kirk assumed it’ll be a win-win situation, but first, he needed to make said Bug better�"cooler! Kirk wanted to put his own stamp of cool on the Bug and the first step would be wheels and tires. Those weird German wheels with skinny, bicycle-like tires would never do! At the speed shop, he bought a set of wheel adapters that allowed him to put Chevrolet wheels on. Along with those, he got a set of cheap chrome wheels and medium width, “wide-oval” tires. Now, the Bug looked like it picked up several miles per hour as it sat there!  

Satisfied with that first step, Kirk thought through his new paint job, a planned custom paint job. He saw some custom paint jobs on bugs in the magazines, but most of those were way over-the-top gaudy, glitzy, and undoubtedly beyond his capability. Bugs possess natural lines stamped into the body that Kirk thought would be easy to follow masking for a two-tone paint job. Kirk admired the hot cars manufactured by the Chrysler Corp namely the Rood Runners, Super Bees, Challengers and Barracudas. Besides their unmatched power by Hemi engines and sports car styling these cars came out in hot, bright colors. There was bright sunny yellow, pumpkin orange and others, but what caught Kirk’s eye were the eye-catching colors Panther Pink and Plum Crazy. Kirk made up his mind even though the Bug was no super-powered muscle car.   

Kirk set into the task bound and determined to make this a good paint job�"a better paint job than those that had come before. Grinding off the little rust the Bug had around the edges, Kirk then went over the whole body with an orbital sander to feather out the chips and scrapes. With a cleanup of any dust and grit with a sticky Tack Cloth, he masked off the windows and lights before shooting the Bug with primer. It went on like velvet. The previous practice and practical training he had gained at the Vo-Tech paid off, but we’ll see if his luck would hold. He wet sanded the whole car, cleaned the film off, and with excitement building, he cleaned the garage super well and wetted the floor to eliminate as much dust as he could. With a deep breath and nervous energy, he donned the face mask, mixed the paint, and filled the paint gun. With plenty of air pressure at the ready, he began.

With astutely controlled passes the paint gun sprayed on the Panther Pink that flowed ever so velvety and smooth. Kirk smiled under his mask as the bright pink glowed under the lights with an unbelievable pristine gloss. In the fog of suspended paint overspray particles, Kirk gave the Bug the once over. No runs, no orange peel, but it occurred to him that the color appeared rosier than it should. Did the paint store mix it right or was it just the fluorescent lights?

A couple thoughts on that: Kirk had watched the paint store mix it but without seeing the formula it would be hard to say if they had mixed it wrong. So many colors go into a mix like Panther Pink from red to yellow, blue and green, black and white, it always astounded Kirk to what went into paint mixes. For his second color, he selected mixing white. This is the white paint they put in to make most paint colors. Mixing white is pure, unadulterated white and nothing more. If you see a white car on the street with a factory paint job you can be assured that the white paint on the car has any number of small amounts of blue or yellow or green or even black, but never pure mixing white because mixing white is a blindingly bright white.  And that’s exactly what Kirk desired for his stripes!   

Anyway, Kirk had a completely rosy pink VW Bug. He let that paint set for a few days, and so all the masking tape and paper remained over the glass and lights. Taking the Bug back into the garage, Kirk began the painstakingly task of masking the car for the stripes. In essence, the entire car had to be covered with masking tape and paper except where Kirk wanted the stripes. On other paint jobs, he found quarter inch masking tape came in handy to cover small, tight areas so why not use it for the stripes over bulges and around corners and curves? He had found out that with patience you can bend and stretch the quarter inch tape to whatever curve you might need.

 With a bit of trepidation, he carefully made sure that the edge of the narrow tape exposed to the white stripe remained smooth with no kinks or tears. What bothered him the most were two other things: First, he needed to make sure the tape’s edge was tight so there’d be no white paint leaking under the tape onto the pink, and second, he didn’t want to press it on too tight as the tape could lift the pink paint when he removed it. He’d already seen this happen so knew the possibility existed. A typical damn if you do or not. So he did the quarter inch tape striping putting in the tedious time it needed on the many, many stripe edges while knowing that the main masking second step with the wide tape and paper would be a cinch afterwards.

Kirk finished up the masking and shot the white paint, not too heavy but definitely heavy enough to full cover the pink in those striped areas. Letting the paint dry just to the touch, about an hour and a half, he began carefully unmasking. First the paper and wide tape came off without a hitch while just ensuring the waste paper didn’t touch the paint. Then, ever so carefully, Kirk found an end of the quarter inch tape and carefully scratched the end up so he could begin peeling it off. Slowly, very slowly, he peeled the narrow tape away from the stripe unsure if the tape would pull some the white stripe off or lift the pink. He progressed slowly over the course of an hour eventually pulling off the final piece of tape. No pulling up of the pink, no peeling of the white even though the white paint bubbled a bit along the stripes edges here and there. In essence, the Bug’s paint it looked PERFECT!

After his initial perusal, Kirk pushed the Bug outside and hosed the entire car down with water. According to Mike, water on the new paint seals off any off-gassing vapors and allows the paint to lay flatter or so goes the theory. After a few more days, Kirk got on to readying the car for inspection and the road. The car ran well, brakes seemed good, and the tires well, were brand new. He still stood on good terms with his old boss at the corner garage so inspection would be a cinch, and it was. Kirk decided that the old clunky chrome bumpers would not go back on because as much as you can imagine for a bulbous VW Bug, it appeared more “streamlined” without the bumpers. Kirk hoped no one would slam into him because there wasn’t much metal protection around him compared to the old Blue Bomb.

The interior wasn’t real bad; he bought some flashy seat covers, covered the plastic door panels with sheets of genuine black naugahyde. Poor naugas! The back seat looked suitable for little people with a small “boot” behind, so he wrestled the seat out, threw it away, jig sawed a piece of plywood to fit the gap and stapled some indoor/outdoor carpeting on it. Kirk sat on it and stretched out.

Hmmm, he wondered, what will Dee think about being back here in the dark with me? 

So there it was, a completely finished bright pink and white VW Bug. Kirk, looking back, didn’t see a problem driving a pink Bug despite being a gearhead with the muscle car scene going full bore. Mod Bugs were in and his Bug was a Mod Bug.  In retrospect, even though no one said anything, did anything, nor implied anything, anyone might have thought Kirk was a bit “light in the loafers” and the pink Bug was for a pansy. Kirk had complete naiveté in all the sorts of sexual innuendos so in essence he was oblivious to any unsaid erroneous assumptions.

Heading out to town on the Bug’s maiden voyage, he wanted to see if his custom Bug attracted any admiring eyes, which it didn’t. Later on as he cruised about sipping gas as a Bug does, one of his classmates, not a friend by any means, bopped down the sidewalk. Kirk needed an opinion so he veered next to the sidewalk ahead of where the guy headed. Kirk got out and leaned against the car, but just gave the usual offhand greeting as guys often did. Kirk didn’t ask for an opinion about the Bug and this guy didn’t offer. Launching into a bit of extemporaneous chatter the guy rounded the front of Bug and promptly PUT HIS FOOT ON THE NEWLY PAINTED HOOD!

“CRIPE!” Kirk shouted. “GET YOUR FOOT OFF THE NEW PAINT! CRIPE!”

With a gritty grind, the ignorant guy slid his big, dumpy foot off the fresh, pink paint. Kirk leaned over and brushed the spot where gritty sand still stuck on the paint. Luckily, he thought, the grit didn’t stick because the paint was plenty cured, but the grit had scratched the paint slightly.

“Sheesh man, I just painted this thing.” Kirk said a bit cooler.

“Oh really?” the guy replied as if he couldn’t tell

“Yeah, really.” Kirk said, heading back to open the door. “Well, I gotta go.”

He started up the Bug’s sewing machine engine and sped off. Without looking back, Kirk grumbled a bit as he headed downtown. Inconsiderate b*****d I knew him to be all along!

So after that unfortunate interaction, Kirk needed a bit of reassurance to his accomplishment of the fine paint job on the now pink Bug. He headed south out of the village and drove the few miles to Dee’s house. As covered earlier, Kirk loved Dee with every fiber of his soul, well, maybe except when it came to cars which usually came between him and her.

Anyway, Kirk pulled into her driveway and gave her a joyful beep! beep! in the way of all VW bugs. After a minute Dee came strolling out, Kirk taking in her alluring sashay, small pert breasts, and the way the breeze fluttered her hair.

“Hiya, love!” Kirk said, reaching for her.

“Hiya, yourself!” Said Dee.

He pulled her in close and bending down, gave her a couple small pecks right on her soft luscious lips, and she responded in kind.

“So, what’ya think?” Kirk said, posing as if introducing the Bug to Dee.

Dee gazed across the car sort of following the stripes over the top to the back. She kind of raised her shoulders.

“Well,” she paused. “It is different.”  She turned her eyes back to him. “Hey, my mom needs some stuff for dinner. Take me to the store?”

“Ah, sure. Hop in.”

So Kirk sat in his pink Bug to protect it in the busy supermarket parking lot while she shopped and pondered Dee’s non-committal indifference over his car. Kirk loved her in an out of his mind sort of way or thought he did, but on the other hand for her part did she? He wondered.

They went on a few dates during that summer, but Kirk began to worry about their relationship as it drew closer to his leaving for college.  As covered in detail during a previous episode, Kirk felt his relationship with Dee bordered on dire, strained�"wrong. Going out on a date with Dee the weekend before Kirk left for college was the very foggy, fateful night in the back of the Bug at the drive in. Beyond a doubt, Kirk would never be the same. 

  On Monday, Kirk packed up his brand new heavy well-stocked tool box and loaded it in the back of the Bug where that fateful event took place. That night remained front and center in Kirk’s mind. Nevertheless, Kirk left home without much to do from his family, and on his way out, he stopped off at Dee’s. She met him in the doorway, and they went out to the Bug. Kirk didn’t say much and neither did Dee as the night had created an invisible, impenetrateable barrier between them.

Overcoming his doubt and hesitancy, Kirk pulled her in, enveloped her, kissed her lightly, and released her. With sad eyes, he gave her a little wave as he ducked his long frame into the bug, backed out, and drove away. Going on to a new adventure, a new town, a different situation, Kirk realized, deep down, that the situation he left behind was difficult and troubled. With the Bug’s happy little sewing machine engine percolating along Kirk drove down the highway and into the strengthening sunlight.

Kirk’s drive to the college town wasn’t all that far just a handful of hours on mostly rural roads. The Pink Bug motored on just fine on the flats putting along at its top speed of about 55 miles per hour. On the other hand, going up any kind of grade or heading into a strong wind found him gearing down to allow the engine to rev up a bit faster though the small flat four cylinder engine didn’t have many horsepower and didn’t rev all that high. Downhill with the wind on his back, the Bug could hit 65 miles per hour or more! It remained a sad though brightly colored little car for an aspiring gear head. As he motored along, Kirk didn’t really concentrate on the road, he just drove on automatic pilot with his mind churning between the great unknown at college and little young Dee he left behind in less than ideal emotional circumstances. 

With a deep breath, Kirk eyed the city limits sign which lowered the speed down to 45 MPH. Kirk had been there before, but of course everything was new to him so he took in the sights.  When the outskirts changed to high-end houses with gingerbread trim and fine-manicured lawns the speed limit lowered to 35. Kirk knew he had to go to the far side of the village to his rented room with the old weird couple, so he had to drive through the downtown business section. As the first businesses slid by unnoticed, Kirk eyed the first signal up ahead.

Suddenly!

Coming from the front of the Bug there came a screech from a tire and instantly the Bug veered hard right. Kirk hit the brakes, but by then the front of the Bug was on the sidewalk. The Bug sat there half-cocked on the sidewalk and the street as onlookers gawked at him with sour looks. Another crazy college kid he read on their faces as they hurried away. Steadying himself, Kirk rolled out of the car wondering what the hell had happened to his Pink Bug: a flat tire? A seized brake? He couldn’t even guess until he made it to the right side of the Bug.

Instantly regarding the situation, he knew it wasn’t either of his guesses for the right wheel was cocked hard right while the left wheel still faced straight ahead. He looked under the fender to discern the tie rod hanging down, disconnected from the wheel spindle. A shocking realization coursed through his body.

If the tie rod had fallen off at the 55-60 MPH he had traveled just a couple minutes prior, he would have probably been killed. Going that speed with the right wheel cocking hard right all of a sudden, the Bug could have spun around, dove into a ditch, caught hard and rolled over�"or any fatal combination of those possibilities. Kirk’s lucky stars saved him again though he’d never be the same after that scare! But really, Kirk thought after the fact and assessing his serious situation, would anyone have really cared if he had been killed? The heaviness of his loneliness, his forsaken situation along with his unknown status with Dee weighed heavily on his soul. Kirk suddenly felt emotionally broken.

Squatting down, Kirk scrutinized the broken steering tie rod. When he finally stood up, Kirk looked around. He stared down both directions of the main street in this unfamiliar village and glanced at all the unfamiliar faces that looked his way as they walked or drove slowly by.

On that busy street, Kirk had never felt so small and alone in his life.