Never the Same #82 The Plot Thickens

Getting deep into Kirk’s mind with his problems.

 

Cue: “Wooden Ships” https://youtu.be/3Q3j-i7GLr0?si=bpzNl5k4AFtX0ShT

           

 

Marriage?

            The construct chilled Kirk to his bones and not because winter had set in. Kirk thought marriage was perfect for old people to have kids, raise a family, keep a career-oriented job, and such. More chill went deeper into Kirk’s bones. Some of the people Kirk graduated with had already gotten married because it wasn’t like they had graduated last year, and so, they all just moved on with their lives. Kirk? That was Not for Kirk, but when Sarah Elizabeth brought it up because she was worried and scared which only induced Kirk to be the same. The actual words of Sarah’s worry were never spoken.

            With that concept occupying and overwhelming his psyche, Kirk decided that taking the welding night school would be a logical occupation to support a wife, a family! My God! The class wasn’t all that expensive so he signed up and paid up. Class started in a couple weeks. Despite the enormous weight on his mind, Kirk went back to work on his stock car as he waited for his suspension parts from Summit Racing. No doubt the stress took a toll on Kirk and his lack of focus was evident on his lack of progress on the car. 

            Probably because it had been steadily getting colder, Kirk saw less and less of Jon his brother-in-law. Jon had done a lion’s share of welding on the stock car’s roll cage, and he did a fine job of welding as well. To Kirk’s discomfiture, he could see the blatant difference between his own welding and Jon’s welding. As he pittled around in the garage as the antique gas stove put some heat out, Kirk thought about one of his preteen experiences.

            His sister married Jon while he was in the US Air Force. This was early in the Viet Nam war and Jon worked on the jets doing air frame and aircraft metal fabrication work. The biscuit family had a couple vacation trips already under their belts like the Montreal Expo ’67. Another was the trip to see Kirk’s sister and Jon who at time was stationed at Key West Navel Air Station which of course had an Air Force contingent. 

            The trip to Key West in the family station wagon was, as Kirk recalled brutal.  Not only having to ride the entire width of the U.S., then they had to take that long bridge over water for 113 miles. No, not completely over water, but more water Kirk would care to be driving over seeing all of his young life he harbored a profound deep-down hatred, no, inherent fear of water in the first place. Anyway, he survived sanity still in place. He didn’t think too much of the visit to see his older sister and Jon. Kirk really didn’t care much about seeing Jon in his military fatigues with his blue stripes. Did it make some kind of impression on young Kirk? Not really. So the family sweated it out down there in the crazy high humidity and daily afternoon thundershowers. They, of course, visited the southernmost point in the US there on the island. An idea of dipping their toes in the tropical sea water came up but they changed their minds when a local pointed out a sizable fish not far from shore that happened to be a barracuda.

            The main point here, not lost to Kirk, was that Jon gained a metal-working skill from the air force that got him a good job with General Motors and besides, Jon became a better welder than Kirk who was, as we recall, pretty much self-taught. 

            As a high school senior, the selective service registration caught Kirk by surprise. Scared would be the description of how Kirk felt about registering. At the time, he just took one day at time fully enamored by his steady heart throb Dee and doing his time in high school. Putting his name in for the draft frightened the heck out of Kirk after seeing the thousands of service men being shipped to ‘Nam and it seemed to him that most of them never came back. Of course, the media covered the nasty jungle conditions, not to mention detailed how the Viet Cong with their underground hideouts would wait only to pop out and kill the American Servicemen. Yep, scared the heck out of Kirk.

            Behind the power curve, not having a clue to what he was doing after graduation Kirk was told that he’d be fodder for the army straight out of school being classified 1-A and ready to be drafted. More frightening for Kirk. That’s when he found out college was an easy way to “dodge the draft” legally reclassified 1-S with deferment from military service at least while attending college classes anyway. He didn’t try too hard in high school to get good grades; but being the eternal car mechanic guy, he wanted to further his education along those lines; though to his complete dismay, as told by the school counselor there were no openings anywhere for a college class in auto technology that Kirk preferred. That’s how he ended up going to the diesel fuel systems course because that ended up being the only course available. Luckily, in January 1973, the draft wound down becoming an all-volunteer force so he didn’t have to worry about the army knocking on his door and escorting him away.  Back to Kirk in his garage.

            With all his wandering woolgathering, Kirk wondered what he should be working on on his stock car. Not that there wasn’t much to do, there was everything to be done! There still was welding to be done though he didn’t feel like he was in the mood to weld. Could it be that Kirk lost his inner drive, his fire to build his car? Maybe. Then again, he had that scary problem niggling at his brain, therefor his emotions affecting his motivation. Just because of his terrifying future fear, Kirk stayed aimless.  Also because of his nerves and worry, he couldn’t bear to call or go to see Sarah Elizabeth during this time when she probably needed, wanted to be with him like never before. Because of his worried-filled contemplation, Kirk didn’t accomplish one thing of note on the car for days. 

            Easing his mind one day at least for a little while, his order from Summit Racing arrived. Digging into the box of packing and shiny Hiem ends, Kirk marveled at their gleaming beauty and proposed function. The spherical bearing ends worked smoothly and silently in his hands. Kirk envisioned how they’d look and operate on the stock car. He knew that he’d have to install the other parts from his order, namely the lower A-arm bushings first before getting to the shiny parts. His overall plan was to fabricate the upper A-arm as close to the original as he could, but with the Heim ends installed they would allow almost an infinite range adjustment that he needed on the track to fine-tune his handling. He smiled with the thought of his new car in the race pits and out on the track leading the pack until reality returned to hit home in his present contemplation.

            Over the next few more days, his thoughts often returned to Sarah and his perceived perception of her problem that scared her and subsequently, scared him. Was this as frightening as being drafted a couple years earlier? He’d probably say the two situations equated on an even par. When said he perceived, it was never said nor suggested by either of them to what was really the problem. As mentioned, Kirk found it hard to focus on the work he wanted to get done, but with focus he got the bushings installed and along with those he installed the lower racing ball joints that with the entire suspension would result in a tight, highly adjustable set up. He got the spindles that he purchased from Ed attached to the lower joints without the brake disks.

            One day when Kirk went into the old farm house for another cup of “joe,” his mother told Kirk that Sarah had called.  Kirk’s blood went cold; his stomach did a couple flips. Kirk, not actually wanting to know why she called, he just nodded in acknowledgement.  His mother continued to tell him that Sarah didn’t say why she had phoned, only telling his mother that she wanted Kirk to call her back. Kirk mulled the worrying possibilities for a moment, only a moment. Without hearing Sarah’s voice intonation and being able to ask her questions, Kirk had not a clue to what Sarah might have called about, something she rarely did as Kirk recalled.  He thought just making the phone call her would be cheap no matter the reason Sarah called, but of course, Kirk thought the worse. Seeing he pretty much ignored her for almost two weeks, Kirk decided that he should just go see her in person so he cleaned up and jumped in the pink van. He took it slow going to her house as he mulled it over.

            Kirk pulled into her short driveway with an exceedingly loud, it seemed, crunch of gravel. He drew in a deep breath and held it steeling himself for the worse possible interaction with Sarah. Before he got out of the van, he wondered if this visit would become the beginning of his lifelong demise.

            Within a few moments, Sarah appeared out the door of her horse barn, of course. She gave a subtle wave as she headed toward Kirk who rolled out of the van to meet her.

            “Hey you!” She said, happily. “Long time, no see.”

            “Yeah.” Kirk said not knowing what to say, or how to say it. “Busy, I s’pose.”

            Kirk thought she definitely appeared more upbeat than the last time he saw her. She came in close and they embraced. She smelled like horse, of course.

            “How’s the car coming? Must be making some real progress.”

            “Yeah, looking good,” Kirk said, not wanting to tell her that he hadn’t done much on it. He decided to hit the problem head on, or at least what he assumed was the problem. “My mother said you called, so I thought I owed you a visit. And. I wanted to ask, ah, hmm, ah, how are you feeling?” Kirk stumbled deciding how to word his question for a few moments.

            “My problem? What I was worried about?” Sarah said, surer of herself than Kirk. “Well.” She gave him a reserved smile. “I don’t have anything to worry about any more.” She smiled a bit bigger and moved in closer to Kirk.

            He still couldn’t decide what would be fitting to say for the situation, so he ended up with, “relieved, I guess, huh?”

            “Immensely relieved,” she said as he pulled her into an embrace.

            Kirk let out the breath he was holding and felt his tension release. After a few quiet moments, Kirk asked if she’d like to go out to dinner. No words about being relieved or celebrating were brought up while they had just a quiet evening together.

            Nevertheless, the circumstances had dove deep into Kirk’s psyche because he had known what a negative outcome with the problem could have led him, and her also of course, into a early life together as a family.

            Kirk was Never the Same after that, but the worse was yet to come.