Yet Another Santa Claus Origination Mythstory

My annual Christmas card insert, this year going back to the standby Christmas subject--Santa Claus.

Yet Another Santa Claus Origination Mythstory

 

             “Incoming, sir!” Lieutenant Trifling shouted, staring at the Celestial Object Detection Scope. “A large, oddly-shaped vessel approaches at a terrific speed.”

            “Terrific speed?” Asked Captain Trifling. “Just how fast is terrific, Lieutenant?”

            “Much faster than light-speed,” said the Lieutenant. “Object’s emergence from super-light speed in�"three, two, one!” The Lieutenant shouted to the gathering Trifling Family.

 

 

            Launched two thousand years ago, the Earth Probe Ship the Trifling’s occupied creeped through the Milky Way at a slower than light-speed pace. The Triflings had long forgotten why they prepared for the annual celebration, but during the week before the sighting, they again merrily decorated their ship. In fact, the Trifling family had forgotten the meaning of the celebration fifteen generation ago, but every year, they put up the garlands, tinsel, and hung their alum-insulated booties by the retrorocket exhaust ports with care.

            Little Rob enjoyed helping with the decorating, but he wondered why, the reason behind the decorations. Eons ago, the early Trifling Family had written procedures such as operating the ship, controlling the ship, repairing the ship, and dealing with ship emergencies; but why they did this decorating every year, Earth time wasn’t inscribed anywhere, they only remembered from generation to generation to do it. Rob decided to search for the basis of this strange behavior. He meticulously reviewed the ship’s digital logs, but of no avail. Enduring the wear of a spacesuit for a week, he pored through the original, back-up paper copies in the oxygen and humidity-free storage room, but of no avail. Finally, when he was about to give up, he found a short entry made in another child’s diary, a distant ancestor long-since passed. It simply related a visit by a strange, intergalactic junk dealer.

           

            The family breathlessly watched their wide-screen celestial viewer. Suddenly, it arrived�"a huge slipper-shaped main vessel with eight, pusher-type Cosmic-Energy Converters attached in tandem. Each pusher had a haphazard array of Cosmic-Collection Arrays on top, and their exhausted cosmic energy swirled about in sparkles, glitters, and twinkles. 

            “Friendly or unfriendly?” Captain Trifling asked.

            “Unsure!” The Lieutenant tersely replied. “But from my analysis, there is only one huge occupant on the main vessel’s exterior.

            “Outside in deep space? Suited thoroughly, I’m sure.”

            “Somewhat, but quite oddly. He, it seems to be waving and shouting something.”

            “Let’s hear what he has to say,” Captain Trifling ordered

            “Yrrem Samtsirhc!” The man shouted over the ship’s speakers. “Yam I Emoc Draoba?” 

            “Universal translator!” The captain commanded, and they heard, “Merry Christmas! May I come aboard?”

            “Father, that’s what our decorations say! Look.” Little Rob pointed at the ribbon banner that spelled out Merry Christmas.

            “How very remarkable,” Captain Trifling said.  

            “I don’t detect weapons about his vessel�" only a lot of non-hazardous stuff!”

            “Stuff? Fine. Give him permission to come aboard.”

            Instantly, the big alien man appeared in a glistening flash of glitter and twinkles. The Triflings found they stood as tall as the alien’s waist.

            “Merry Christmas to you, Triflings. Another good year of traveling across the galaxy, I see. Here with my delivery as usual,” the rotund alien said, looking about approvingly at the decorations. The residents of the Earth Probe Ship glanced at each other in confusion.

            “Oh! I see from your expressions, I wasn’t here last year. How long has it been?”

            The Triflings shrugged except little Rob who stepped forward. “Ah sir, it has been one thousand, two-hundred, and fifty-three years�"relative years on Earth.”

            The big man seemed crestfallen. “Oh,” he said. “I’ve encountered this pesky space-time continuum problem while traveling faster than light speed before.” He shrugged. “Sorry, it has been a year for me and everyone on Earth. I recall that’s where you are going.”

            “Correct, sir,” Rob said. “Only another one-hundred fifty years to arrival.”

            “Sorry to hear that, but maybe I can help you out.”   

            With the big man hooking onto the Triflings ship using an extraterrestrial tow strap, he engaged his Cosmic Energy Pusher Devices. Within minutes, they were orbiting Earth.

            “Amazing,” the Triflings chorused. “Lieutenant, do a planetary scan of our new home. We should find satellites in orbit, motorized vehicles, computation devices, and broadcast emissions from the surface.

            “Negative on all aspects, sir! None of those factors exist on the planet’s surface.”

            The big alien man transported back to their ship.

            “There you go. I transported you in plenty of time for you to personally witness arrival and not your next or following generations.”

            “Well, thank you sir, but we had future probes tell us our programmed arrival would coincide with Earth’s modern age where they would accept us, inhabitants of another galaxy.

            “Hmm, that does present a problem,” said the big guy stroking his white stubbly chin.

            “I’m used to the extreme cold of outer space, and I found the white part of this Planet Earth is cold, always cold�"and unpopulated. Care to join me and help me set up an outpost to make toys for human children?”

            “Why would you do that? To sell them?”

            “No, to give as gifts. I have analyzed an alternate energy source to propel my Cosmic-Energy Converters. They can also be adjusted for joy, merriment, and happiness emitted from children delightfully receiving presents.”

            “Really?”

            “Of course, but my Cosmic-Energy Pushers won’t function in Earth’s atmosphere, so I have to switch to Earth-bound denizens I’ll hitch onto the front of my vessel.”

            “The humans!!??”

            “No, of course not. I have located some sturdy, rather interesting four-legged animals. If they are cooperative, I’ll affix my Converter Arrays to their heads without bothering them. They will, in essence, fly and pull my vessel through Earth’s atmosphere at light speed.”

            “Really?” The diminutive, green-clad family asked.

            “Really. The big alien said. “These perfect animals worth a try are called cows!”

 

Oh, oh, oh! Yrrem Samtsirhc!

Reviews

[wondering]

sweet, liked the space aged story line, made me happy, always a good christmas story