Until time grows late

You say up, I stay down
You call up, I turn around
You come over, I stumble and fall
Can you catch it all , will you fetch it all
Or would you even bother to move any
Is this real or is it just uncanny
I can't decide or make up my mind
It's dark, too dark to find the line
Are you there or am I going out of my mind
This feeling is slowly creeping over my spine
I need help, do you have an answer
Or am I to remain as this dancer
This feeling creeping around feels just like cancer
Knee deep underneath my skin
It's my sin and I just can't seem to win
Cause I'm stuck so far in this trap
And I can't make it out of this hole without a map
So can I ask you, to extend your hand
And maybe we can find a place to land
Somewhere where the two of us can roam
And I will just sit quietly in my tomb
Alone I break, in silence I wait
Until time grows late

Author's Note

I accept all criticism

Reviews

[Relic]

In your tag space one of the words is broken. Another is depression. I see this as based on conflict of the mind as a result of both words leading to confusion and the other elements which make up this poem. There's a bit of abstractness about it which I think could use some fixing.

"And maybe we can find a place to land
Somewhere where the two of us can roam
And I will just sit quietly in my tomb
Alone I break, in silence I wait
Until time grows late"

This seems self-centered as related to someone else being there for you. It might be better to end on a brighter note.

"And maybe we can find a place to land
Somewhere the two of us can roam
And we can walk quietly
Where I'm no longer alone to break, in silence
Until time grows late"

This of course is just an idea but you get the point. I'm learning in my own writing that the more meaning in a few words the better rather than strands of long sentences. Overall a good poem. Keep writing.

[NeoGen87]

thank you, I think u see what you mean and I will take it into consideration as I fix up what you mentioned.