Strawberry Scream

Just a little taster poem to see whether or not anyone likes my work. Have plenty of others and stories as well that I will happily share if people show an interest.

Those lips
That smile
A dream that dips
Me in love for a while,

Those eyes
That glint
A life of sighs
Should give me a hint,

So when I cry
Those silent internal years
Just pass on by
In the mix of cold loving tears,

I cannot blame
That summer treat
For others the same
When they and you did meet,

You let me in
Tempting sugary lips
I think of our having been
And drugged up love trips,

So you have to end
This lie of love
Make a heart that cannot mend
And leave single a beautiful dead dove,

So here I lie
Dead
Latest victim of your smile
Strawberries and cream,

But all is real
Not even a dream
Your poisonous meal
Your strawberry scream.

Reviews

[Tom]

Really enjoyed this one. For me I felt something sinister in the rhythm and language, I'm not sure if this is what you were going for but it certainly felt like a rose tinted scene of perfection that hid a gentle undercurrent of malice. I was reminded of sugar coated horror or something akin to that, but a little subtler. :D

[Alex]

Thank you glad you enjoyed it and that was the overall feeling that I was trying to convey so its a bonus that you managed to pick that out :D

[Brielle Cartny]

Very different! I like this a lot. It has a certain scary aspect to it. It is about to get dark so this is a frightening thing to read.

[Alex]

Thank you, glad that you like it, good to see that I managed to get a slightly dark feel across :D

[EMMIE]

Fave lines:
"So here I lie
Dead
Latest victim of your smile
Strawberries and cream,"
Starts out really sweet and then it turns int sour ha ha. Interesting!

[Alex]

Thank you good to hear your fave lines ;D