letter to the future (Part 1)

a little fantasy here.....straying somewhat away from my usual type of writing.

  it's an old story that
has been around for many years,
it's an old story and
it will tell you something...

 

it happened during dark times
when the wind blew much
harder than ever before,
the evil wind of
a terrible disease.

 

therefore the prince decided
to lock himself up in his castle
alone with his friends,

he thought to stay
locked up there and
to wait until the fear
and the obscurity
would yield and allow his soul to breathe,

wishing this satanic wind to blow by,

salvaging his mind and never come back.

 

in the castle there was joy
and people had a great time
eating and dancing
and nobody ever
believed that the
evil wind would ever
reach the castle
but at the end it did

despite their false sense of security.

 

I write you this story because
it sounds like some history that
repeats itself and keeps coming back,

I write you this story
because soon you will be born
and who knows how the city
will look like once that
wind will have died down.

 

I don’t know what kind of
world you will grow up in,
I only hope that you will be a
son of a new and better society.





 

Author's Note

this poem is written and mean't to be thought provoking, since it's fantasy I'm curious to see how my readers interpret this piece. There should be a varying degree of comments and what is important is I want to hear the varying opinions my readers get out of this piece. I hope you enjoy the read and let me know what this poem means to each of you. Some of you may find the story somewhat incomplete and you would be right in that judgement.....it is Part 1 of a series which I'm working on, be patient, I'm working on part 2 and 3:).......Also, if you haven't gotten the chance to read my poem Young hearts with Wings I'd strongly recommend giving it a read.....it is my little own masterpiece I consider.....would greatly appreciate anyone who hasn't read it yet to comment the piece. Thank-you, Nico.

Reviews

[Bear]

"his only hope was that he would be a son of a new and better society"... a fine wish indeed but, I believe that for society to become new and better each one of us has to contribute to making IT BETTER in whatever ways we can. Whether it be sharing our thought upon this site, chatting with strangers while out and about forming new friendships as our paths continue to cross... who knows if "society" will ever become equal for all, where it is "all for one and one for all"? Difficult it must be since obviously we have miles of improvement to attend to. Perhaps we need to STOP writing history and teaching it to our children... seems as though the history we and our parents were taught just lent the O.K. to continue on as is; repeating and repeating when up against the wall? Gee, I'm done diggin' this hole, it'll depress me if I continue. I do ramble on as I search for the words to express the thoughts within. Letter to the Future... re-read the past, learn from it and please don't repeat. ;~) Bear

[H. A. M.]

What comes around goes around sounds like the message here.

"I write you this story
because soon you will be born
and who knows how the city
will look like once that
wind will have died down."
Sounds like it's from one of the survivors in the castle to..... maybe a soon to be born child?
Interesting.
You fill in the bad wind and the safety of the catle with other things and that's good. The story seems flexible enough that you could put in other things and still get the point across. I just picture them locked in a bomb shelter trying to wait out the zombie seige or the diary of ann frank.
Nice start.

[Nathan Thompson]

You know this would make an excellent prologue for a novel. I would bare that in mind should you feel the desire to...expand it a little :-).

[No One Important]

I do not really understand the dynamic of this piece. Is it a cautionary tale, or is it just a flight of fancy with a tacked-on moral at the end? It is written well and it flows but there is not a whole lot of substance in its words.

[justink :):)]

i like it and i to think it would make a good story



justintime

[[untitled]]

I liked this. I too think it would make a good story. It has a good start. The theme is there and the poem flowed well. I like that it's written to the future generation. I think it has a good moral. That you can not lock yourself away. You need to confront what you want changed. Great poem!

[justjenn_2u]

As the world is changing, we hope for a better humanity. My doubts subside in me. We have gone too far in this world to get it right again. I see hope for a desperate situation in this poem. Very universal poem and thought provoking as well.

[SM Davis]

Hmmm.... since you sent me the read request...I will be honest. I am not finding anything outstanding about this poem...I think it would have been better written out as an essay and expounded upon. Perhaps even as a short story. That said, the theme can cover many a circumstance. What first comes to mind ...dating back to Noah...how the people ate, drank, and were merry until the disaster hit...paying no mind to the signs of the times. This can have religious, philiosophical or even historical undertones. None of them are clear here.

I find much potential here, but I truly think that in order to make this an outstanding poem, more work should be done to create a literate piece of art rather than the unclear statement that you have attempted. I will not rate this at this time. You do have alot of potential here ...

[An owl on the moon]

Enjoyed the poem just for the intriguing passages and mystery, but realize that there is more depth and reach than what is on the surface. Philosophical and political trends blow through our times, shaping lives and changing the river-like course of history. Well done!

[Erin Phoenix]

Wow.

This is really strong work here Nico.

I enjoyed it very much. :)

[alternative_be]

I find nothing provokative about your poem. The theme is eternal, like you put it yourself: history repeats itself.
Very well written and excellent food for thought!