Mental Insanity

This is a story from my writing project, Silent Agony. A girl is suffering from the pain of her dead family, and she was the only one who had survived.

Alezne

 

I was going insane in my head.

How could my sister die and I survive? Couldn’t it be the opposite, so she could suffer the madness instead of I? I detested the unfair ways of life so much.

Reflection bounced off of the midnight walls, but it wasn’t beautiful anymore. I only screamed in dark agony, wanting to be released into death. My life was already annihilating into smaller, more rueful pieces.

There was a whispering hope that sang a harmony behind all this despair and disconsolateness, aching my entire self. But I knew that it wouldn’t accumulate for me. It was too far away, too small, and too lifeless. I yearned to have this insanity abandon me, but it wouldn’t move, and wouldn’t do what I told it to.

And so I persisted until my stomach hurt so badly from the hunger.

My mind sustained a bit, but then, faltering, I let go. I allowed the craziness to conquer my brain, my life, my hope until there was nothing of me left. I was just a body of less than nothing, just some type of creature that wasn’t me.

Why did it still hurt so much?

I cried out in a lugubrious melody, a cry of regret, remorse, and love of sorrow. My lips hurt as the sides twisted serenely.

Why did I have to endure this ending melancholy?

Why did I have to survive?

Why everything?

Nothing made sense anymore. It felt like it was all a dream, a harmful, dangerous dream, but I would wake up, and rejoice.

But it never happened through what seemed like a hundred years that I lingered.

I knew, and I couldn’t deny it, that I missed my sister, my mother, and my father.

And yet I was still alive.

I wanted to go back to the remains of my house, and shout to the world my pain. I wanted to sing out love, tragedy, and silence. I wanted to run and feel that I was going away from this nightmare that I couldn’t comprehend.

My hands covered my face, and I felt a guilty sting breathing onto the daylight and air.

Through my sobs and convulsion, I wrote down the words that I wanted to scream.

And I sang them through my bloody tears:

“With this vanishing love and death

My head is gonna die

Through this soul and songs

My heart is gonna shatter

In this wonder and throbbing

I just know

That maybe there’s gonna be a way

To say

Good-bye”

 

Author's Note

This is one of my worse ones, so ignore the horrible-ness. Especially of the poem.

Please comment and critique; I dislike people who read and don't comment, thanks.

Reviews

[Weaver]

"I was going insane in my head." - And where else would any person go insane? Try deleting "in my head"
"instead of I" - "instead of me"
"Reflection bounces" - You've switched verb tenses here, from the past tense in the first sentence to present tense. Don't do that; whichever you choose, stick with it throughout.
"life was already annihilating" - back to past tense - "annihilating" is an active verb, something that is done rather than something that is done TO a thing - try "life was being annihilated" instead
"was a whispering hope that sings" - 2 verb tenses in one sentence
"it wouldn’t accumulate for me" - "accumulate" makes no sense here
"have this insanity abandon me" - Good turn of phrase - personifying the insanity makes it seem more powerful
"some type of creature that wasn’t me" - I suggest deleting "type of" here to make the sentence stronger
"a lugubrious melody" - This looks to me like a case of thesaurus attack. Just because a word is listed as a synonym doesn't mean it means the very same thing, and this word does not work here at all. Never use uncommon words without making sure that the actual definition is what you intend.
"My lips hurt as the sides twisted serenely" - "serenely" doesn't make sense
"endure this ending melancholy" - I think you mean "unending"
"I wanted to sing out love, tragedy, and silence" - It's a seeming contradiction, but I like the "silence" at the end
"and I felt a guilty sting breathing onto the daylight and air" You may need a comma here. Is she feeling guilty for breathing onto the daylight, or is it the guilty sting that is doing the breathing? If the former, you need a comma after "sting"
Use of the word "gonna" in the poem doesn't fit with the narrative voice of the rest; even if this character would use both "gonna" and "disconsolateness," I doubt that she would suddenly switch to informal language when writing poetry about how she feels here. Otherwise, the poem is fine.

[frozensakura]

its not horriblness, i like it :) keep up teh writing

[Review]

Good job. I hope I never have to feel like this, it is pretty dark. I would like to read more of your work, so keep writing!
**Review**

Ah, to feel so much grief and sorrow that leaves one wishing for the relief death provides. I love the notion of hope's presences, too tiny to grab hold of.