Seen but not heard

A Poem by K

Women must be seen, not heard, right? 10-23-25

It started so gradually,
She didn't have time to notice.
It was only one missed call,
Or hanging up the phone a few minutes early,
When the calls used to last for hours.
And then came the explanation,
And more lost time.
Hope was all she had for a better tomorrow,
So she held on faithfully,
As the silence stretched longer.
Her words held no worth
To the man she held so dear.
Animated retellings of the day's events,
Swallowed back down to the darkness.
Multitudes of adoration,
Curbed by a bite of the tongue.
And just as she didn't notice the creeping silence on his part,
He seems oblivious to the pain in her soul.

Her fingers reach for the jeans,
Then hesitates.
Frayed, and stitched more times than she could remember,
They were the familiar option.
Comfortable, easy, and safe.
But safe was no longer an option.
Safe would leave her shattered.
So, instead she reaches
For the ones she knows he likes.
For if she isn't heard, or seen,
What does she become?

© 2025 K

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Reviews

Raven

Her words held no worth
To the husband she held so dear.
It started gradually....

Familiarity breeds contempt as they say. Being with someone a long time can result in taking them for granted. This seems to show that. Without a sexy pair of jeans, his eyes are on other things, not her.

Posted 2 Months Ago

JayG

• It started so gradually,

Here's where you go off the rails. You know what "it" is, the reader has no clue. nd you can't retroactively remove confusion.

• She didn't have time to notice.

And here it compounds. Who is "she?" What didn't she notice? Too busy because?

• It was only one missed call,

So...this unknown thing happened because of one missed call? By whom? From whom? About what? That isn't what you meant, but it is what you told the reader who lacks context.

The reader has been given no frame of reference, and no context that would make the words meaningful to them: Where we? Unstated. Who is the "she?" Unstated. What's going on? No way to know.

That aside, this is a narrative, not a poem. It's you talking TO the reader, which is a feature of your posted work. In this, from the reader's viewpoint, someone unknown is talking about events the reader has no reason to care about, stated as if a friend began the conversation with, "So...did you hear about Sue and Jack?

Readers don't want to learn what happened. They want you to make THEM care and feel. Don't tell them that someone cried. Give the READER a reason to weep.

In short: To write poetry, you need to take advantage of the centuries of development and refinement, because it works. Knowledge is an excellent working substitute for genius. So instead of learning from your mistakes, learn from the result of mistakes made by others.

Grab a good book on the basics, like Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook.

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

And for metrical poetry, read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. You'll find both an interesting and informative read.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

Posted 2 Months Ago

• It started so gradually,

Here's where you go off the rails. You know what "it" is, the reader has no clue. nd you can't retroactively remove confusion.

• She didn't have time to notice.

And here it compounds. Who is "she?"  What didn't she notice? Too busy because?

• It was only one missed call,

So...this unknown thing happened because of one missed call? By whom? From whom? About what? That isn't what you meant, but it is what you told the reader who lacks context.

The reader has been given no frame of reference, and no context that would make the words meaningful to them: Where we? Unstated. Who is the "she?" Unstated. What's going on? No way to know.

That aside, this is a narrative, not a poem. It's you talking TO the reader, which is a feature of your posted work. In this, from the reader's viewpoint, someone unknown is talking about events the reader has no reason to care about, stated as if a friend began the conversation with, "So...did you hear about Sue and Jack?

Readers don't want to learn what happened. They want you to make THEM care and feel. Don't tell them that someone cried. Give the READER a reason to weep.

In short: To write poetry, you need to take advantage of the centuries of development and refinement, because it works. Knowledge is an excellent working substitute for genius. So instead of learning from your mistakes, learn from the result of mistakes made by others.

Grab a good book on the basics, like Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook.

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

And for metrical poetry, read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. You'll find both an interesting and informative read.

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”  
~ E. L. Doctorow

Rating /100