Over the Battlefields

An experimental poem

Too quickly, she stops.

The sky is gray.

Pictures stumble across the clouds; a

A battlefield creek,

A battlefield.

 

On the platform of thoughts,

Of green and orange

Of heavens,

She falls to the ground.

Weak.

 

And overhead, the eagle flies.

Author's Note

I'm not much of a poetry writer, but what do you think? Any pointers?

Reviews

[Wicahpi]

As Antonyo states below, you should consider writing a positive note in your "Author's Note". You are defeating yourself straight out of the box. You've created a vision using the given words this week and I consider that a great effort. Doing so is not an easy feat! I commend you. "Pictures stumble across the clouds" - I've always enjoyed finding those pictures! I would've liked to see a bit more expanse of your vision, but I believe you have the makings to create even more poetry. Keep up the writing. Practice poetry even more. I like it. Thank you for your entry. I do hope you will consider doing so again.

[Weeping willow]

Beautiful emotions flow through these words;-] Lovely images come through my mind. It starts out sad,but then the eagle brings hope.This is what I feel.

[Antoñyo]

"I'm not much of a poetry writer..." You might want to consider erasing this part, you're pretty good! I love this effort.
Thanks for sharing!

[M. L. F.]

I like the imagery and the description is great Zoli :) I am a poetry beginner too lol. :)