P 4. Acquiescence

Janet finally comes to terms with the painful truth. Nothing on earth would turn the wheels of time... not even a quick bargaining...........

4. Acquiescence

“God in heaven, may the soul of your dear child, Janet, rest in peace, and grant her son and all her loved ones, the courage and strength to bear the loss. Death reminds us that we live in a fallen, imperfect world… we are reminded of mankind’s failings, flaws, and limitations..........”

..The priest droned on........

More splashes of water…….holy water. Janet gasped as she dodged the heavy spray, shielding her eyes from the streaming sunshine that bathed her mound .......

“Amen”. The crowd mumbled in unison, as they made the sign of the cross.

It was an impressive crowd. There was John, James, Sarah and the kids, her cousins and their family…Of course, her poor mom couldn’t make it to the cemetery. She just hoped that she was all right. June must be with her of course, as always. There was Meera, Liz, Varsha … and many of her friends and colleagues. Yes, and some neighbours, and many who she really wasn’t familiar with, all trying hard to get a final peep at her (?). Pulling up her bare feet, she sat gracefully tugging at the hem of her gown.

….On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross
The emblem of suffering and shame…….

The sacred hymn echoed in the churchyard. She leaped up and stood by John, singing along with him,…...

…How I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross
Till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old rugged cross
And exchange it some day for a crown……

……..her heart felt light …… after a prolonged period of sheer torture….

People moved about poking lighted candles and burning incense sticks into the mound. The mound?..... whose? She swallowed hard. Hers of course! She held back a sob, a hard lump forming in her throat... More roses were laid around her feet.

Then came the cake and wine…and was passed around. Strange, she’d always felt the ritual pretty awkward. “Some kind of celebration huh?” She remembered passing a remark at another funeral. Now, it was her turn….

“Wow, nice necklace and matching bangles! New, eh? You are damn lucky to have a husband who showers you with such goods!” Reena sighed as she weighed the chain in her hands and feasing her eyes appreciatively on the bangles.”

Raji spluttered over her wine, “More than me he’s crazy about bringing in lots and lots of gold. Says we got to save enough booty for dowry for the girls (sigh!). What with the steady inflation, one has to plan ahead..” The ladies nodded in assent.

“Hey nice sari. Must be pretty costly hmm.” Someone cooed, “Tell me where did you get it”.

“Aw, I really don’t know. If I remember right it was gifted by a college friend”. Raji said with eyes rolling in recollection.

‘But mama, I selected this sari for you at that shop near the Square!” The little one said indignantly tugging at her elbow.

“Sshhhh.! That was another one” Raji hissed at the girl.

Janet smiled. True to her feminine nature, Raji wasn’t the one to let out her little secret, and have her ‘find’ duplicated.

“Ha ha ha ha ha! And then what happened?” Two men were shaking with laughter.

“Shhhh……maintain some sobriety please. This is no place for merry making”. An elderly woman chided the men, who instantly lapsed into silence.

“Ah yes, she eloped. You are right about Radha, yes yes Rajesh and Seema’s daughter.” An audible gasp shot up from the small group.

“…and now?”

“Now what. She called up from Mumbai saying that they are fine and that she’ll soon find a job. Now the parents have booked tickets for Mumbai.”

“Oh God….the travails of being a parent!”….

The graveyard had a festive look. Gone were the deliberately created mournful façade. There was plenty of laughter and chatter around, and more cake and more wine. Children ran about playing ‘catch’ behind the grave stones, while the adults stood around catching up on the latest happenings in the city, and some updating themselves on the latest gossip in the circles…

It was time she put an end to her mourning too. Well, if she was dead, that was it. She’d dived in and out of enough and more of wishful thinking. It was now time to come out of the protracted shock and denial. The pain and guilt lingered. But that too had to be gotten over with, once and for all.

John looked composed and in control. She was thankful to the good lord for letting her be around till the time he took charge of his life and was no longer dependent on her. In a quick flashback she reviewed the good times they had spent together and silently sent a prayer heavenwards for supporting her in her difficult times. Now it was departure time. She looked about, dry eyed…

The crowd had thinned out considerably, leaving behind just her near relatives, who also were leaving.

Oh dear! Her darling son in tears! She slid close to him and patted him on his back. “Hush baby, don’t you worry. Mama’s with you always as I’ve told you. Think of the good times we had, and the trying times too.” She guffawed. “Like I always used to preach, ‘take it all with a pinch of salt and move on’. That’s life. Don’t tell me that you’ve forgotten it all. Remember, the past is dead and gone and you are the future. So go ahead and take on life by the horns. Mama’s right behind you, son….”.

James was by his side. “John, take it easy. Your mama should see you happy. We are all with you”.

Suddenly John stood up as if rejuvenated. “Yes, mama will always be with me, I know”. James led him away.

*********

“Was it the black currant really? It used to be her favourite. They say death was sudden. Awful indeed!”

“That’s unlikely. Black currant has more medicinal properties and hardly any harmful effect. It’s left to be seen. They’ve taken the remains of the ice cream for forensic study. Another theory is that she might have had a silent heart attack”.

She listened intently to the heated talks making the rounds. They were talking about her…..her death. Hmm, so that was it. Her craze for ice creams……

“It had been such a great evening”. Fedora, her niece recounted the events of ‘the day’, “and aunty was the naughtiest, drenching us in water, with every wave that came in. We were splashing about and screaming away. It was such fun. Everything was fine, until the black currant ice cream. She took more than half of it and suddenly rolled her eyes and collapsed on the table…..”

“Then..?”

“We laughed, taking it as one of her dramatic gimmicks. I whispered into her ear, “aunty, this is not home. Get up”

“Ohh!”

“When she wouldn’t get up, I poked her, and she slumped on the floor”

“Omigosh!”

“I was terrified, and so was Dad, who was till then enjoying the show. We pulled her up. The waiters also came rushing in”

“Did she open her eyes then?”

“No”

“…Breathe?”

“One of the customers felt her pulse and said that he couldn’t get any. Then we panicked. John was shouting and yelling, but she didn’t respond. He got the car and we rushed her to the Holy Spirit hospital, which was nearest. The doctors were nice. But they said that …she was……….no more …sob!”

“Hush, easy…..easy dear”.

**************

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