The Rose

The Rose

My life is like a rose
that has been placed in a vase
for too long.
The baby's breath
that surrounds the rose
breathes life all around it.
But there is no life
for this rose.
The vase traps the rose
from within;
there is no hope
for escape,
fore the rescuer will be
cut by it's thorns.

Reviews

[ANTO]

hi Nini - I totally got the captured feeling and the wish not to hurt others - bring them down if they try to help. The helplessness is well communicated as is the desire for solace and the deep introspection.

If I had one criticsm it would be that the term 'the rose' is overused - perhaps it could read as 'a rose' in line 1 (the vase would also have to be altered to 'a vase'); then as 'the rose' in line 5; then as 'this rose' in line 8 and finally as 'the rose' again in line 9.
They are suggestions based on how it read to me Nini - dont feel obliged to make any changes you don't feel comfortable making!

Very good imagery by the way! :)

[Nini]

Thank you so much for your advice! I value all constructive criticism and your suggestions are very helpful! Thank you :-) Would it be OK for me to edit my poem on here with those suggestions...how does that work?

[ANTO]

Look for the Manage Writing tab on your home page. click on the yellow pencil icon beside the poem 'The Rose' in the list that appears. Then edit in the edit box and remember to save all changes using the Save button - like you did when you first published 'The Rose'

[ANTO]

Sorry you have to go to your home page then select the Writing tab first - then do all of the above -

[Nini]

Thank you!

[Nini]

I finally made the changes...Thank you Anto. As I read it back to myself, out loud, it had a much better sound and flow to it. Thank you again!

[ANTO]

I agree Nini - glad to help - thank you for the feedback :)

[LaKyra]

Sad, but very captivitating. You are very gifted to be able to show so much in so little words. Thanks for sharing something so personal to you, it's so powerful and inspirational. Very good read and very well written.

[Ana D S M]

A sad poem but beautifully conveyed emotions.

[Nini]

Thank you for stopping by and reviewing my poem :-)

[Nini]

I tried to friend request you Lilith, but the site said you had already sent a request...It's not showing up. Are you having issues with your profile? I am seeing reviews on here that aren't showing up in my notifications. Just wondering if anyone else was having that issue tonight too.

[Ana D S M]

Yes, I was having trouble with friend requests all day. I received yours Nini and have just accepted.
Thank you.

[Jamestown]

Very creative but sad:( I pray you find your freedom and not wilt away,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Nini]

Thank you for your review/comment!