The Dead Men's Shadows

I had this idea one day and decided to write it down . Please tell me what you feel about it :) !! P.S : I really don't know what genre to put this under... I can call it Fiction ,right ?

                                                       The Dead Men's Shadows

When the night couldn't grow any darker ,

When the clouds couldn't hold anymore water ,

When the owl couldn't hold its sleep any longer ,

The first shadow arose from its tomb.

The dead men lay in their graves ,

Their bodies rotting inside out ,

Their shadows rose one by one

Until they Became the darkness.

They crept along the ground

And wandered into unknown places ,

They bathed in dark waters ,

And searched for living souls.

If they ever came upon one ,

They leapt into their shadow -

Unseen , Unheard

Unexisting , Unbeknown.

Just before dawn ,

They crawled back into their womb ,

Until the next night when 

The first shadow arose from its tomb.

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Reviews

[alf]

Hi. I would classify this as dark!!! the image you portray is ghastly ethereal lifeforms that are actually dead!!! Love the image!!! Love the imagery!!! Ghouls and demons . . . ugh. they create morbid fascination!!! I loved/hated the journey you take the reader on . . . and then let us know they have retreated back to their place of origin, the womb!!! Well done!! alf

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot !!

[sushant]

a fine selection of words

[Nirupama.H]

Thank you !!

[Scott Durham]

I am with you until Unexisting, Unbeknown. However, in poetry there are no mistakes, only expectations and patterns. Like all of us, your work just needs more time, more introspection, and don't be shy with the "edit five times" rule. Good effort and a clean vocabulary, your style is leaning in an original direction which is cool.

[Nirupama.H]

Thank you !! I really appreciate it !

[Willard Wells]

Love this poem. Lots of imagery. Dark, but that's where I live too. great work.

[Nirupama.H]

Thank you !! Please do read my other works ..

[Nadia B.]

Amazing fictional poem! Really enjoyed the story you tell, you have a gift. Only two little suggestions, maybe change "They crawled back into their womb" to "They crawled back into their catacomb," unless you meant to say womb to give a specific image . Also you use the words "unseen, unheard...unbeknown," so well! I only wonder at "un-existing"? Surely the shadows do exist, in and of themselves...perhaps you can use unbeloved? At least then you will continue a b.b. sound with unbeloved, unbeknown. Im not for changing poems, these are just lil suggestions. All in all a great poem, thanks for sharing, please keep writing!

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot !!
Yes , i did want womb to give the reader an image .
i used un-existing because dead men's shadows dont exist in our eyes... thats what i meant..
The suggestions are really helpful , I really appreciate them . :)

[Nadia B.]

Oh perfect! Thanks for having read my suggestions anyway, and I am glad you are sticking with the original, its really well written! Btw I love fiction so... really happy u wrote this.

[Nirupama.H]

Thank u so much for uplifting my spirits . i really wanted to know what people think of my writing ..

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the story. Took the reader to interest place and the description create good vision.
"If they ever came upon one ,
They leapt into their shadow -
Unseen , Unheard
Unexisting , Unbeknown."
I liked the above lines. Left reader with places of mystery. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot !! This means so much to know that i could convey what i wanted to .. Please do read my other writings and let me know about them too . :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You did and you are welcome.