bullet holes in the moon

Bullet holes in the moon always get me wondering 

If i would have a buzz from being born buzz aldrin 

Or would it come with a come down of being summa cum laude 

And only getting blowjobs from people with deep thoughts

“People” with air quotes, people with sharp tongues

People who are head strong, high strung and hollow 

You can still drown face down in something that’s shallow 

Just ask the halibut 

Another kid on the endangered list 

Another on the back of a milk carton 

And a plastic bag that ends up in a bin 

Midwest moms wondering where their children have been 

Or have you seen them?

Hoping they played hookie, or were friends with “the trench coat kid”

Whose uncle let it slip

Where the shells were hid, who liked to break stall doors and toilet lids 

A headline, salivating, waiting to happen   

But dead kids don’t sell anymore

America is a novacaine, we’re numb from the shots to the gums and to the brain 

Are killers made from the bad case of mondays

Are killers made from a bad lunch and migraines 

I’m sorry, we can’t kill hate today 

But maybe we can take a piece from its fingers if this place wasn’t so dead set on killing each other 

America first i guess

One to the head, two to the chest 

Please wait 15 minutes after eating to get back in 

The Columbine cousins killed more people than drowning ever did, than cancer ever did 

The money at st. judes is now being spent on clonazepam 

For kids scared of recess where they get holes in them 

Math tests with mass amounts of murdering 

if Timmy has 30 classmates, but 4 die before gym how many are left

Left hand corner where your name should be 

Too many names for this nations short term memory 

But just enough to resight the allegiance in the morning 

One about a nation in mourning 

With ‘liberty and justice for all’

~ Bullet holes in the moon

Reviews

[JayG]

First, sprinkling glitter on dirt doesn’t change it to gold. All your fancy italicized font does is make the act of reading a bit more difficult, and so, detracts. Have you not noticed that of the last ten posts, over an entire year, only one received a comment? Doesn’t that tell you that just maybe, you’re not moving the reader, emotionally, in the way you hoped?

Look at why: Most of what you post has the theme, “me, me, me.” It’s “I this,” and “I that.” You’re talking AT the reader, and telling them what’s annoying you on the day it was written, not engaging them, emotionally, But how many people woke today wondering what’s troubling you?

readers come to your work as a blank slate, with no idea of what they’ll find, but expecting something THEY will find emotionally moving. The poet’s superpower is to manipulate the reader’s emotion at will—to make them feel the human emotions of THEIR choosing, via their choice and placement of words. But that’s a learned skill, one not taught in your school, because ALL professional knowledge is acquired in-addition to the general, employment related skills we get there. Universities offer poetry related degree programs, typically, as MFAs or MAs in Creative Writing. Who would take such courses if what they teach is unnecessary?

Look at the opening of this piece as your reader must:

• Bullet holes in the moon always get me wondering

I’m wondering who, on the lunar landing missions, you think may have fired a gun. But...if you actually mean the impact craters, how reader can know that?’’

You title this “Bullet holes in the moon,” ignoring the conventions for using capitalization, and mention the moon only once, and in a way meaningless to the reader.

So, line one may be meaningful to you. For the reader, it’s 100% “Huh?”

• If i would have a buzz from being born buzz aldrin

Seriously?

That aside, the first two lines are your usual “Me...me.”

• Or would it come with a come down of being summa cum laude

Graduating with highest honors is a “come down?” Seriously? Sounds like jealousy of his accomplishments.

My point? Stop talking about you and what’s bothering you on the day you write the piece. Instead, invite the reader in. Make it meaningful to THEM, and emotionally moving to THEM, in place of yet another “Woe is me.” Use the skills of poetry to create and entertain, not report and complain.

Instead of telling the reader that something frightens you, make the reader experience that fright.

Rage against injustice if that’s your desire, but do it in a way meaningful to the reader as-the-words-are-read.

Take advantage of the centuries of refinement in the art of creating poetry, and make it work for you. Poets have been developing skills and tricks, then building on those skills, over and over. And it’s there for the taking, so why try to start from scratch, and fall into the traps they’ve learned to avoid long ago?

Take a look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, to learn how prosody can make your words sing to the reader, plus, a bit about the magic and challenge of metrical poetry. As Wilson Mizner puts it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So...research!

Try Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook, to learn things about the language you never suspected, and the tricks of writing the prose poem.

You’ll find that not only will they make writing poetry easier and more fun, readers will both enjoy and commend the result of using those skills.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - - - - -

“I try to leave out the parts people skip.”
~ Elmore Leonard

° “Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.”
° “Education doesn’t change life much. It just lifts trouble to a higher plane of regard.”
° “Education is hanging around until you’ve caught on.”
° “Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.”
~Robert Frost

“Self-expression without craft is for toddlers.”
~Rosanne Cash

[Nobody]

first, I didnt put that font, I put Ariel, this website just didnt want that for whatever reason read morefirst, I didnt put that font, I put Ariel, this website just didnt want that for whatever reason
second, if people dying doesnt effect you emotionally that's insanity
third, I wrote this like a year ago, im aware it's not the best work I have
fourth, you completely missed the entire meaning of the poem

[Ghosty Writer]

JayG,

I see you’re very passionate about craft and technique, and I respect that, but I think you’re missing the bigger picture of what poetry can be. Not every poem needs to meet your very specific standards of “proper” poetry, whatever that may be. Sometimes, raw emotion, honesty, and a sense of urgency are more powerful than perfect prosody or polished language.

Your critique seems to suggest that anything outside your narrow definition of “good poetry” is worthless or ineffective. But that’s a pretty limited view. Poetry has always been a tool for addressing what’s hard to say, what’s uncomfortable, and what society prefers to ignore. This poem is a visceral, unfiltered look at violence, numbness, and societal apathy. It’s not about impressing you with clever wordplay or adhering to some academic ideal; it’s about making people feel something, even if it’s discomfort. Looking at your profile you may not understand some of the up to date poetry because it's a different time than when you were young.

You also mentioned that this poem should “invite the reader in” and make it “meaningful” to THEM. But sometimes, the most meaningful poems are the ones that confront, shock, or unsettle. Not every reader is looking for a gentle handhold; sometimes, they need to be shaken awake. Your emphasis on “manipulating emotion” and “craft” isn’t wrong, but it’s not the only way to connect. Raw honesty can be just as powerful—and in some cases, more so—because it’s authentic.
And let’s be honest: not all great poetry is technically perfect. Some of the most revered poets in history broke rules, used unconventional language, and ignored standard forms. If you think the only “professional” poetry is that which fits into a narrow mold, you’re missing a huge part of what makes poetry revolutionary and vital.
Your points about “teaching” poetic craft are well-taken, but they seem to dismiss the value of emotion and social commentary. Poetry that stirs the pot, that exposes uncomfortable truths, doesn’t need to be “refined” to be effective. Sometimes, it just needs to be honest and brave enough to say what others won’t.
So, no, everything doesn’t need to be up to your standards. Sometimes, raw, unpolished poetry is exactly what’s needed to shake people out of their complacency. If you value only the “perfect” poem, you’re limiting yourself—and poetry itself—to a narrow, tame subset of what it can do.

If your goal is to uphold some ideal of “good” poetry, fine. But don’t pretend that your standards are the only ones that matter. The best poetry is often the one that makes people uncomfortable, that challenges their perceptions, and that refuses to conform just for the sake of convention.
Thanks for your input, but I hope this poet keeps writing what they believe needs to be said—raw, real, and imperfect if that’s what it takes to make an impact.

[JayG]

• "first, I didnt put that font, I put Ariel,

Given that it's not changing anyone else's font, for whatever reason, the problem appears to be at your end. Try Garamond, or a version of Times.

[Beren]

Jay, it’s been years and you still use the same words for every new writer. It is seriously incredible that you can still find this energy just to spread fully subjective criticism(!). I mean, there are way more important things in life to use your talking power and an art someone talks about their feelings shouldn’t be one of them… But anyway, I am just giving my opinion like you do to others.

[JayG]

• I think you’re missing the bigger picture of what poetry can be.

Yet no one has seen fit to say anything nice about even one of to your posted works. Compare that to the number of comments others here get. Compare it to the number of comments I get, and you may notice that while you have strong personal views as to what you WANT poetry to be, and how great your work is, in the real-world, that’s not going as you hope. So just maybe, you should look into the skills that have been developed over centuries to learn HOW it’s done.

As for me “missing” the picture, you make the mistake of assuming that I’m giving personal opinion. I’m not. What I pass on is what you’d learn early in any course or book on the subject.

You, someone who’s yet to learn the basics of writing poetry, are lecturing someone who’s sold their work in nonfiction, long and short-form fiction, and, poetry. I’ve taught writing at workshops and when my manuscript critiquing service was active people paid me to tell the why they were being rejected, and how to fix it. And while I most definitely am not a poet, because I use the skills that you can learn as easily as I did, my posted poetry, here, gets multi pages of praise.

• “Sometimes, raw emotion, honesty, and a sense of urgency are more powerful than perfect prosody or polished language.”

And mashed potatoes have no bones. So what? You can make any claim you care to. Better to demonstrate the value of them via audience response to your use of them. And so far...

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a trailblazer, but before you can improve anything, you need to know what is it you’re trying to improve. They’ve been refining the skills of poetry for over a thousand years. Do you really think that with zero training in those skills you’re going to come up with techniques no one else has come up with in all those centuries?

You’ve not dug into the skills of prosody, so your lines limp. You’ve not dug into poetic structure so yours is inconsistent. I suggested two resources, but you didn’t even look into them, because you want to BE a poet without the bother of having to become one.

Following me around and lecturing me on your personal views doesn’t change that. Spending that time learning about prosody, via the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The ode Less Traveled will be a LOT more profitable, and make a dramatic improvement in your work.

[Ghosty Writer]

Hi JayG,
I see you’ve taken the time to go through my profile and comments in detail. While I appreciate thoroughness, I find it a bit concerning that you’ve chosen to scrutinize my activity so closely—especially when it seems more about finding faults than engaging constructively.
Poetry, like all art, is deeply personal and subjective. Not everyone’s work will meet the standards or preferences of every critic, especially when those standards are rooted in tradition and technical perfection. That’s fine. But it’s one thing to offer thoughtful critique, and another to invade someone’s profile, judge their activity, and dismiss their voice entirely.
If your goal is to elevate the craft, I respect that. But if your approach is to police and critique every expression that doesn’t fit your mold, you’re missing the bigger picture: poetry is about authentic expression, not conformity. Not every artist wants to be a perfect technician; many want to speak honestly and provoke emotion.
So, while I value expertise, I also value authenticity. And I’m not interested in having my work or my activity scrutinized under a microscope for the sake of proving some point. I believe that meaningful art should be judged by its ability to move, challenge, and resonate—regardless of whether it fits into a predefined standard.

It’s interesting how much you’ve chosen to focus on your own credentials, experience, and opinions—almost as if your authority in the craft of writing somehow elevates your critique of my work. While I respect your background, I find it problematic that your responses revolve so heavily around your personal achievements and standards, rather than engaging with the work itself.
Poetry is ultimately about connection, emotion, and authenticity. It’s not about how many books you’ve read, how many pages of praise you’ve received, or how many rules you can recite. If your critique is rooted in a desire to elevate the craft, then fine—but it’s hard to take seriously when the conversation becomes more about your own expertise than about the poetry or the artist’s intent.
And frankly, your constant focus on yourself, your teaching, and your “how it’s done” attitude comes across as dismissive of the very diversity and experimental spirit that makes poetry vital. Not every piece needs to fit your idea of “proper” technique, and not every poet needs to be a clone of your taste or standards.
I believe that genuine art is more than just mastery of rules—it’s about truth, emotion, and daring to speak in your own voice. If you can’t see the value in that, then perhaps the issue lies with your perspective, not the work.
So, I’ll continue sharing my voice, and I suggest you do the same—without constantly turning the conversation into a personal showcase. Art is broader than any one person’s standards. If your goal is to help poets improve, I suggest you focus on how your insights can serve the poet’s voice, rather than drown it out with your authority. Because ultimately, the poem belongs to the poet, and your role should be to support, not overshadow. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

[JayG]

• It’s interesting how much you’ve chosen to focus on your own credentials, experience, and opinions—almost as if your authority in the craft of writing somehow elevates your critique of my work.

Yeah, almost as if someone who has taught writing, or been published knows more about what works than someone who’s done no study of the field.

I’m not a great writer, and I make no claim to be a poet. But I AM your benchmark. I’ve submitted my work and been chosen for publication. People who read my work, here, comment on it. You?

• I find it a bit concerning that you’ve chosen to scrutinize my activity so closely—especially when it seems more about finding faults than engaging constructively.

You do pretentious and moral outrage well. Unfortunately, complaining that I looked at what YOU posted kind of negates that, especially as your “activity” is postings made so others can read and comment. It kind of undercuts your position when your accomplishments don’t match your grandiose claims of poetic knowledge.

• Poetry, like all art, is deeply personal and subjective.

You left out “to the reader,” which is what counts. You’re an artist when those reading your work see you as one. And they haven’t. Respect is earned, not demanded.

• Not everyone’s work will meet the standards or preferences of every critic, especially when those standards are rooted in tradition and technical perfection.

Aren’t you glad your dentist’s work is based on tradition and technical perfection? Try giving that excuse to your teacher when she flunks you for turning in a poor report.

At the moment you’ve invaded and commandeered someone ELSE’S thread to try to convince me that uniquely, you can put anything that comes into your mind on the page, call it a poem, and it must be honored as if you have a clue of what you’re doing—all because you want to BE a poet without the bother of having to BECOME one. That is both selfish and foolish.

Ignorance is no sin, we all start out that way, But willful ignorance coupled with hubris? You’re painting yourself into a corner, never realizing that you are, in effect, saying:

Last weak i cuden’t spel poit, but today i are won.”

That fact is, you foolishly equate my comments on your work as it stands on this day with a personal attack; equating your current lack of knowledge with a comment on talent; seeing comments and resource suggestions as belittling you. You never take into account that were I to believe you couldn’t improve I’d not have commented.

You complain, that I had the nerve to look at your posted work, while not having the sense to look at mine, to see what a bit of study could do for you.

So, in the end, it boils down to this: You’e no longer a child, and not yet an adult. You’re in transition, which can be a difficult time. But it’s also a time to stop thinking as a child and interact with adults as adult to adult. As two very competent writers observed:

“I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.”
—Harper Lee

“A writer, shy or not, needs a tough skin, for no matter how advanced one’s experience and career, expert criticism cuts to the quick, and one learns to endure and to perfect, if for no other reason than to challenge the pain-maker.”
~ Sol Stein

[Nobody]

I say this with all due respect, and the nicest way i can. Realistically I'm going to write what I want. I don't want to get published. I don't want to have a writing career. What I originally started writing for was to release emotion, once I started getting somewhat decent at it, I started posting across various platforms, in hopes it may find someone who liked it and can relate and maybe realize they're not so alone in this world. You came off as rude. You came off as someone who thinks they know everything, and you came off as someone who thinks they're better than most. Whether that's your intentions or not, who's to say other than you. I am capable of sticking up for myself, I may be autistic, I may have numerous other problems, and not know how to handle them most times but you started this. Now you're acting like the victim, if you want to critique or put some constructive criticism you're more than welcome to do so on the poem itself, however, that isn’t what you were doing, you were doing I t to everything. It's clear you don't like my writing style, so stick to what you do, I'll stick to what I do.

[JayG]

• once I started getting somewhat decent at it

Not to be a killjoy, but if you actually did get "decent" don't you think you'd be getting positive comments on most of your posted work? So...decent? In the words of the great Inigo Montoya, You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Given that you've not dug into the skills of the poet, what you're doing is getting better and better at using inappropriate tools. So, railing against investing a few hours of study isn't all that effective a way to become "decent."

And while you don't plan to be published, it's like saying, "I don't have to learn the skills of football because I don't plan to become a pro."

• You came off as rude.

Yes, how dare I suggest resources that will make your work readable? How dare I not praise you for poetry that almost no one responds to?

• You came off as someone who thinks they know everything,

Damn...I came off as a published author offering help to someone who's not yet looked into the basics of what makes poetry what it is. How could I be so insensitive as to not praise you?

Wake up! This is NOT a training wheel site. The nonfiction writing skills you were given in school are fact-based and do not work in an emotion-based medium like poetry. You can no more write poetry that will captivate readers with it than can you perform surgery with the skills you were given in Health class.

So in the end, you're arguing against education, which seems a bit silly.

[Ghosty Writer]

JayG,
Let me be brutally honest: your obsession with critique, standards, and “proper” technique reveals that you view poetry solely as an intellectual exercise—something to dissect, analyze, and judge. But real poetry is about emotion. It’s about connection, feeling, and raw human experience. Have you actually been moved by a poem in the past few years? Or do you only see it as a game of views, comments, and rules?
It’s quite telling that someone who claims to be a “benchmark” for poetry can’t seem to find joy or genuine inspiration in the art form. If you’re so consumed with views and comments, then maybe your engagement isn’t about poetry at all. Maybe it’s about ego and validation—trying to prove you’re the expert, not actually connecting with the soul of the work.
And the fact that you scrutinize everything I post—from my comments to my profile—yet claim I’m “ruining the thread” is absurd. You’re the one turning this into a battleground of ego, not me. I share poetry for myself, not for your approval or some fabricated sense of “correctness.” If others relate to it, great. If they don’t, that’s fine too. It’s about expression, not conformity.
Your whole stance reeks of someone who’s lost touch with what makes poetry compelling in the first place. You’ve built your critique on cold analysis, ignoring that true art stirs emotion. And I won’t stand for someone like you dictating what’s valid or invalid—especially when you clearly don’t even enjoy the art you claim to analyze.
So here’s the bottom line: I will continue to write for myself, and I’ll share what matters to me. You can keep pretending you’re the authority, but I see right through it. You’re just another critic who’s forgotten how to feel, and I refuse to let your cold, intellectual lens diminish what I do, or what this poet does because what they do is beautiful.

Grow up, or go critique someone else’s work—preferably with a little more heart.

[JayG]

• Let me be brutally honest:

Kid, you make the mistake of thinking I take you seriously. Your writing is

You're defending your right to be ignorant: granted.

You're defending your right to write crap: Granted

You want to call your "pity poor me" postings poetry. Go ahead.

You want to invade and hijack someone else's thread, to attack me? Naa. On any moderated site, you'd be given the boot.

Kid, AFTER leaving the Air Force, II designed the communications processor for the US president's Airborne Command Post; designed an aircraft carrier landing system; designed computer systems; worked the track at sports car races; been scuba diving, spent time in sailplanes; been in every US mainland state, and, Europe, Asia, and the Americas, top to bottom; been both a scoutmaster and cubmaster; raised a family, wrote 30 books, and more.

You? You've attended school. You've not had the sense to study even the very basics of poetry skills.

And now you're following me around like a puppy, complaining that I'm mean to you because I suggested that. bit of study woul eliminate the glaring errors in your Dismal Damsel poetry.

And you think I take you seriously?

Respect is earned. Be VERY careful not to enter a battle of wits unarmed,

[Ghosty Writer]

JayG,
Enough with the narcissistic delusions. Your endless ego stroking and condescension are pathetic. You sit here acting like some all-knowing poetry guru, but all I see is a blowhard desperately trying to compensate for your own shortcomings. Your pompous attitude, your constant need to remind everyone of your “accomplishments,” and your obsession with superiority are nothing but smoke and mirrors.
You want to throw around your Air Force medals and tech creds? That’s fine. But it doesn’t make you smarter or better than anyone else. It just makes you a bitter old man clinging to past glories while hiding behind a keyboard, trying to bully others into submission. Newsflash: Your military and tech achievements don’t give you the right to look down on people or dismiss their feelings and art.
So here’s the reality: You’re nothing more than a pompous, insecure blowhard with a superiority complex. Grow up, stop acting like your “knowledge” makes you better than everyone else, and learn some humility. Because nobody owes you respect for your resume—especially when you’re behaving like a raging jackas*.
This is my final word. Take your ego and go cry into your medals.