Why?

A short story using 10 words and only 10 sentences long..A close friend said this reads like poetry

You bade goodbye to me but I could never do so. Remember that time when we used to escape to the green meadows that led to nowhere or those white sandy beaches to watch the lazy sunset. Oh that inexplicable joy, Oh that unbound happiness. That game which we used play, you and me together, blindfolded, discovering each other in each others arms, slowly caressing and touching each other until it was unbearable. I have kept all those tender moments, hidden, obscured, deep into the underground of my lonely heart and will never let them go. Where are you now? Why are you not a passenger to the train we boarded in our youths and promised not to step out ever? Why have the doctors failed, so utterly and miserably to invent a cure? A cure for Cancer that took you away and completely shattered our lives. Answer me why?

© Nothing Personal. January 15, 2011.

Author's Note

A work written based on a prompt..Not really my style but just tried fitting 10 words in a 10 sentence story. What do you think?

Reviews

[.]

. my insides churn when i read this ... i am reminded of how stage 3B cancer took over my mom's physical health and mental peace in 2008-2009 ... and she succumbed to venting on my home with eben ... oh, howmy home went up in the fumes of my tears ... my million drops of raining pain ... and the brutal nightmares that followed ... she's recovered now ... and so confused ... about what happened and how ... and how she lost her best friend in her daughter ... who lost her home ... and her love ... and everything that meant anything ... i am so intimidated by cancer that it makes me break down ... the mere mention of it ... and throughout the last year when i was home ... i used to disintegrate at the sight of my mother and her medicine box ... it never goes away, you know ... she still is in so much pain and discomfort ... every day there is a new complication ... and what cancer takes, it takes ... ask me ... i have the misfortune of knowing that even the most glowing and poetic love loses to the trauma of cancer ... your poem should be in cancer research facilities to inspire doctors to find a cure ... so that there's no damage ... and there's no collateral damage (like my home) either ...

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A deeply thought provoking piece. You nailed that challenge and your friend is right it does read like poetry. You could say like a prose poem. It reminds me of Colette. You pack a lot into just 10 sentences.

[roarke]

Ten words in ten sentences? Not bad at all, great in fact. You have a marvelous touch with weaving archetypes and intimacy. The blindfold and train lines are outstanding!

and yes, the dubious "Why" questions.... they never yield satisfactory answers, ever. There are no truthful reasons why, even when it is the truth. Aptly titles. Marvelous write. Simply.

[Jeff]

A great piece. Very heart-wrenching!

[SOUL LESS]

A simple, traditional theme...well expressed.

[Magdelena]

A strong piece that I felt deep inside.. On a subject that many can relate. Your word usage was perfection with what you had to use, it was a challenge so well took and you passed with flying colors too!

Mags xx

[luciddreamer]

I thought this was a very good write and yes it did read like poetry....very emotional :)

Peace
Robin