I Forgot to Laugh

As someone who has made endless mistakes I know it’s impossible not to. I remember sitting in the classroom as a child And always being the “perfect one.” And if I wasn’t, then I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. As if I had to prove to the world that I was smart. So I sat front of the classroom day by day Waiting to be recognized but all I ever was, Was the background. But I wasn’t even that. Sometimes I was just there. That broken piece that nobody cares about. I don’t fit in. I never have. I remember that day when you through my jacket on the ground. You stomped on it Until the playground sand had covered of every crevice. Thought you were funny I suppose. But I never said a word. I just walked over and looked in your empty eyes And I put the jacket on. And I walked away. Back to the 4 walled structure That told me who to be another one of its “pictures” And I believed that for a while. But it never worked for me. All they ever did was give me extended time And reteach and reteach. But that’s not how I learn. Isn’t insanity doing the same over and over again And expecting a different result? Because I was who I was and I am who I am. But I was still shoved in a squire day by day And when I was finally let out The rest of the world had molded And I was left alone… I was left to torture myself Into an epiphany of who I should be And I cant. And as an five year old girl I had already known that I sat in the dark. Because how could anyone comprehend the madness Of a child who speaks another language. I was taught English… But it always felt like I was speaking Shakespearean To the rest of the world. So no child could ever understand. Then I lost all my friends And I realized the truth. The world just didn’t have an excuse And my imperfections had to be abused… So I stuttered as you called me names. Because it was nothing worse than what I had told myself. Eventually I was a turtle trying to hide inside shell That was broken in half. A crake from you But let’s not forget the one caused by myself.

Reviews

[KanaDream]

I can feel the pain in your words and can't imagine the horrors that brought it on... this is a very passionate work that I can tell you put your heart into. I like how you take into account the way we hurt ourselves as well as the way others hurt us. It's very true. This is very well done. Keep writing and keep dreaming.

[Robert Dees]

This, this is not just something to say "a good read this one..." You, Jordann, should keep writing. Good things will come of it. People might say, hey you're just 14 to me. However, please still acknowledge that you'll have a future in this if you work for it. Great job!

[CA Anurag Sharma]

Every person I guess goes through this phase... the feeling of being useless.. unwanted... it often breaks us down.... a good read this one...