écouter

The emotional state of a teen who doesn't see eye-to-eye with her mother

I'm sorry I'm not perfect

I'm sorry I'm not fast enough

I'm sorry I don't try hard

I'm sorry for everything

I'm sorry all I say is

"I know, I know", "I don't know",

"Yes", "No", "Uh-huh", "Whatever"

"I'm sorry"

I didn't mean that I hate you

I just meant that I didn't feel loved

I'm sorry I "think the world will stop for" me

I'm sorry that it doesn't

I'm sorry that I don't stop crying

When you say "hush"

I'm sorry for all the secrets

I'm sorry for lying to you

Every single day

I'm sorry for hiding in my music

Drowning you out

Not listening again

I'm sorry that I don't stop screaming at myself

for being stupid

But you don't hear it anyway, you think I'm too proud

so never mind

"I'm sorry"

How often do I say that?

But you say "Hush"

Because you think I'm saying "I know" again

By the way, Mom,

Thanks a lot for listening

écouter

I'm sorrry.

Author's Note

This was written after a big argument with my mom when I was about 16. She dropped me off at school and said she loved me and I said, "Yeah, right" and slammed the door. In hind sight, it was a stupid argument, but these things stick with you when you write them down. I often struggled with the idea that nobody ever listened to me, and admittedly still struggle with it sometimes, so this poem actually means a lot to me.