NOT a storybook ending

Unabashedly fell into his world,

his dark brooding made him

all the more mysterious

undoubtedly sparked magnetism, 

there was a powerful energy

in telling his wartime tidings,

but I, in my womanly

fashioned ill-conceived notions 

thought I'd rock his entire world 

to gingerly conquer heights so

he'd never be coerced to look back 

on those unfathomable stories, 

manifestations proved desperately

misguided, it was never meant to be 

an officer and a gentleman ending

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Sometimes a long string with many complex words like this can add a bit of a stilted sound to a poem, but in this case, it does not feel too cerebral . . . I can feel the passionate power all along, even tho your message feels like it's being spat out in somewhat of a well-crafted spiel. Your point is well-made & always relevant.

[1VJ]

I didn't think them complex but I understand what you're saying. It was spat out in a spiel sort of. :)

[barleygirl]

I like using unusual or complex words, but sometimes in the heat of passion, it's more direct & heartfelt if the word choices are short & straightforward. Either way, I am guilty of using complicated logic & messages sometimes, rather than gut-level spewing out of feelings.

[~]

Passionate and true to the intent of the heart and mind. Gotta love those original stories :D

[alifeacoustic]

I love this. It starts with falling and hopes, then moves onto realisation with the wonderfully penned lines "but I, in my womanly
fashioned ill-conceived notions" ...I love that, I don't know why but it's a great line.
And finally the fallout/ conclusion of it never being an officer and a gentleman ending. They rarely are what we imagine, but your words here ring out to me. Great wtite Paloma, as ever.

[Sami Khalil]

"I'd rock his entire world
to gingerly conquer heights so
he'd never be coerced to look back
on those unfathomable stories,"
So true. Some stories are never by the book or as anticipated. Things can change in the blink of an eye even if we have thought we could control things. An excellent poem....:)..................