To walk the edge

an inquiry into edges.

Edges. 

 

What is it about edges? I hold the belief that a life is precious, no matter how bland, for its capacity to be more. A thing is valuable not only for what it is, but what it can be, but I must live a life worth living, for as long as I can live it. Fear of death, pain, life, none of these are important enough to not live up to my potential.

 

Fear.

 

It traps people inside their little boxes, it keeps them safe. The goal is to find that balance point between crippling fear and crippling pain. Fear is there for a reason, to warn us of danger. Danger is better spotted far away so it can be escaped. Once brought to consciousness we have the option to override that fear. To see how close we can come to the danger without being hurt.

 

Edges.

 

I make a habit of walking along cliffs, running along cliffs, sliding down cliffs. The kinds of places that one wrong move could snap my neck. I need to know my limits. I need to know what dangers are real and what are not. It is the curse of young wisdom to recognize danger and compelled to avoid it. True wisdom knows its limits, and knows what is truly dangerous and what is merely illusion.

 

Fear.

 

I keep myself too safe. Hiding in my room, with only a computer as portal to the outside world. Playing out my inner processes in safe and controlled games, where no one really gets hurt. I interact with a select group of friends who, though they could hurt me, I know will not. Fantasy is a beautiful thing, but I can get stuck in it, there are lessons learned from fantasy, but there are others learned from life.

 

Edges.

 

Yet I feel strong, I feel as if the world could buffet me with a thousand terrors and I could stand. Physically I am capable - I have a healthy body. Mentally I am capable - I have a good adaptive intuitive mind. Emotionally I am capable - I understand others emotions and my own. So why do I keep myself so safe?

 

Fear.