Panic Attack

Description of my panic attacks

My whole body shakes...I can't see anything...no don't move me...losing all control of my limbs... can't breathe...I'm screaming for help...I can feel the tears coming down... Yes I'm having a panic attack. Its like....an outer body experience...I'm watching myself flail out of control...holding on for dear salvation...clutching my chest... it hurts so bad... someone stop the pain!! Voices in my head...laughing at me...enjoying every second... nearing the end... I see a figure...holding my limping body.... "Shhh, Amanda you'll be fine. I'm here...hold on to me...Shhh its almost over...Its okay...I'm here." The voice...I know that voice...could it really be? I hope it is... convulsions feel like shock waves running through my body... I see...I see...I see Ricardo...I see Daren...I see...Everyone I lost whether through death or rejection... reaching out to me...trying to help me calm down...

I hear that voice again...Who the f**k could it be? I...I know who it is...but the  name...can't figure it out... Wait a minute... Its everyone...they're all holding me...I can see...I'm breathing...slowly calming down...As I watch myself from over my body I feel my spirit...falling back inside...I wake up....Its just me...was I dreaming? I look around...They're still here...Then...Ricky parts the crowd..."Are you okay lil sis? I was worried sick!"
"I'm fine now....you're here", I whisper. Everyone smiles...Everyone's happy...I'm in Ricky's arms...I touch his tattoo... "This is real" I say to myself...

I love you