Clumsy Feet

Lumbering steps, clumsy feet,

Out of sync with the beat.

Teacher shouts, contorted face,

Repeats again the dancer's place.

Grabs her bag, storms out the door,

Saying she can take no more.

Dancer stays, abandoned there,

With slippered feet and pulled back hair.

Alone at last, the music plays,

The ballerina then pliés.

First passé, then encarte,

And her fears all wash away.

Flawless steps; music plays on,

Silent to others, it's her song.

Fouette en tournant, then assemblé,

Her skilled dance is light and gay.

She suddenly stops, the magic's gone,

Her feet stand still and stop the song.

She hangs her slippers on the shelf,

For she only dances for herself.

Reviews

[Dale Pavolko]

**What I see
A tender, aching portrait of a shy perfectionist who is technically brilliant but emotionally paralyzed by an audience. The dance studio becomes a perfect metaphor for every artist who can only create when no one is watching. The final image of hanging the slippers on the shelf is heartbreakingly quiet: she chooses the safety of silence over the risk of being seen and found wanting. It’s fragile, honest, and deeply relatable.

**Two gentle points of criticism:**

1. Rhythm & rhyme: The ABAB scheme is very strict and sometimes forces awkward syntax (“light and gay” feels dated and slightly forced; “encarte” is misspelled—it’s écarté). Loosening the rhyme in a couple of places would let the emotion breathe instead of sounding like a greeting-card jingle in the middle.

2. The turn at the end: “For she only dances for herself” is a strong sentiment, but it’s stated rather than shown. A single concrete image in the last three lines (something we can see or hear) would hit harder than the explanation. Right now the poem tells us she’s done; trusting the reader to feel the resignation in the slippers left hanging would be more devastating.
Final thought : you made me feel real emotion

[Tbear]

I want to give the dancer a hug to let her know that she can indeed dance and to not give a care if others see her..dance on dance on..

[fireblossom]

You are very talented. This is a wonderful poem. You make a life statement while holding to form. Unforced and easy to read. Very nice.

[Allycat]

I love this! It has a nice flow, and good feel to it :)

[Kaylee]

I like this a lot! I like how the art of her dance is personal. It has a nice rhythm too! You should review some of my poetry, if you don't mind!

[AK]

Love this poem, it sounds so nice when recited. Great flow, amazing storyline, keep writing!

[A love for poetry]

Ahh, this is good, I love this one.

[Lydia]

I love this! It's very beautifully written, and I love the little story it tells.