The Fool

 I'm such a fool you say
I'll never be cool you say
I'll never join your little "gang".
You stare at me
What's Wrong?
You don't say but Laugh.
As if my pain causes pleasure.
You spread rumors, that can kill.
And shattered the soul.
But all you get is a thrill
You laugh at my scars
You label me something, I am not.
But have you ever thought?
About the people who care?
Your friends who you've turned away.
Because you're so much better.
But in the end you all alone.
So at night you cry.
About all the good times.
And you call.
But I won't answer.
Becaue I'm tired.
So tell me.
You think you're so cool?
But now who's the Fool?

Reviews

[Bright Eyes]

To start off, this was a very bona fide poem. The honesty in it really strikes one as they read it. It reads quickly and flows pretty well.

I think that the rhythm and grammar could use a little tweaking. Typically, one does not use punctuation at the end of the line in poetry. The periods at the end of the lines are unnecessary and are distracting from the words. The rhyme scheme seems a bit inconsistent but still makes sense, I like it. I think that the rhythm would improve if you got rid of the unnecessary punctuation at the end of the lines; other than that, some lines are short, others are long, which makes it a little more rough-sounding. This could be a good thing, though. The austerity of the piece calls for rough truth and is not to be sugarcoated. I think it just depends on what you want it to sound like as a writer.

I also really like the mystery that the piece gives. It gives information, but it also leaves the reader a little bit questioning, and I want to read more, I want it to continue.
"You laugh at my scars.
You label me something, I am not."
These lines make me curious as to what the scars are, what they label the character as (I think the second line might make a little more sense if you get rid of the comma).

Overall, I think this was a good piece, and if you want to tweak it a little, it could be great.

[Ravenskald]

its a good poem
sums a lot of things up nicely
we're all cool in the right crowd ;-)

R