Deleted Friend

Deleted Friend

You chose to dress my words

in all your clothes of fear

and tossed my battered corpse

into the shallow grave

that you prepared.

Delete!

In your garden of hope

you offered me the russet apple,

withered roses, tangled vines,

no sweet rosemary there.

So you were simply a mere delusion,

my escape from deep ravaging pain,

a drifting mist: a mirage of vapour;

mirrors on the wall of hope.

A form that so easily flows from your pen,

but not your head.

Inks of black and grey and red,

words that spill across

pages of mistrust

and are dispersed so easily

at the merest puff of wind.

18/10/12

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like what you said about the "unacademic style" in your profile...

i agree with that and have always written poetry with the hope of engaging the common man, rather than the English professor.

This piece is wonderful...my only wish was that "Delete!" be repeated as a very last line---

but i really like this...i get an Eden feel...an Eve tempting Adam back to love after he has been hurt many times before...the promise of hope, of a lasting relationship...(i experienced this about 8 years ago) and then...
suddenly, the temptress' mask comes off, we bite the apple and get thrown out of the utopian feeling we were in...reality is naked...and we become the "deleted" part of the equation.

good stuff...

jacob

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Jacob. Yes the internet is fraught with danger; beware those who will not be unmasked! I am pleased you are also writing for the ordinary person and not academic snobery. Me giving myself an excuse for not knowing a metre from iambic pentameter. My daughter is studying English Literature at university and is currently doing poetry. She sent me a sonnet to look over yesterday which was an interesting experience.

[Mia]

Yikes! That's intense. Secondary emotion...anger. A few steps back, a few more...primary emotion. Hurt.
"Inks of black and grey and red,
words that spill across
pages of mistrust"
Great write John!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Dear Mia you are so kind in your reviews of my writing and I truely value it so much. Thank you and thank you!

[Mia]

Kindness is not a synonym for honesty...I'm sure we've been through this ;)

[KAOlmsted]

Oh wow, John, those first two lines blew me away...so powerful. Excellent emotional write--as usual, you know all the right words and just how to put them in order ;-)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Why thank you stranger. Hope you are good?

[KAOlmsted]

I was moving...went from Alaska to Florida, so I was, shall we say, a tad too busy to fool around on WC *laugh* Finally here, though, so I will be back on with more regularity. Really did love this piece.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Wow cold to hot!!!! Love America; too much Mickey in Florida and watch out for theb alligators!

[KAOlmsted]

can't let the cat out because he could get eaten by a gator...and yeah, I am so freaking HOT! But, you know, I was so freaking hot in Alaska, too *laugh* (eye roll) ;-)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ha ha, I was going to say that but thought it would be too much on open comment lol! Hey saves on the clothing bills!

[KAOlmsted]

Yeah, I haven't worn anything but fleece and boots for years, I feel a little exposed *laugh* (and thanks, I do like to fish for compliments, don't I...*laugh*)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Oh Kimmer, as though you need to! Anyway why did you move? its a long old ways!

[KAOlmsted]

sorry for the lapse; I had to go to the store. We moved for work, also my Dad lives down here, and it was time to leave Alaska...needed the change. Really really nice change *smile* I love it down here.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am so glad. I can almost touch the warmth of Florida!