Creating Harm

When trust has gone!

Creating Harm

You know only the brutality of fear

which you used as a cudgel

to beat my heart to a meaty pulp.

I thought we breathed as one,

united, connected by strands of faith.

But I saw only what the blind will see,

dreams of beyond and beyond.

And so reality came to pass,

when you had had your fill,

had finished with my stripped carcass.

You discarded me into the pit of disdain

where you entomb every strangled feeling

that has ever torn at your sorry breasts.

You bring no life,

you have only harm to offer,

pain to inflict

in broken promised memories.

Now I see your vision,

what your eyes hide so well,

and it is simply the spectre of deceit.

 

31/08/14

Author's Note

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

Love, passion...it all has a price. We venture out and trust one more time and then we see that flicker of deceit.. Well done John.. you pen these emotions and pains all to well..xo

[Leslie Philibert]

Fine revenge poem with a lot of heat !

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Yes was a passing thought about someone who let me down badly earlier this year. Thankfully just a breeze blowing in on a quiet Sunday. Thank you Leslie.

[R Smith]

Powerful John, full of anger and the rage against the abuse of your heart, great poem

[Kelly Scheppers]

Wow! I shall never be able to write with such angst and passion...so absorbing, John!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Kelly, just spouting off. wrote five pieces on slow Sunday, three of them just happened to have this mood attached.

[Lyn Anderson]

Another harsh and painful angry love poem. Did we swap pens when I wasn't looking, lol? One thing, I think you could eliminate a few of the hads and still keep the same feel.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thanks 'M' will look at it.

[MomzillaNC]

"… spectre of deceit." Eloquent phrase, that. A very raw castigation from a broken heart to an black heart.

"Where you [inter] every strangled feeling." Wonderful imagery. I would suggest, though, that your reader might confuse it with [enter], assuming an error on your part. If you could find away to make it "interred," it would eliminate that possibility. Also, I think you should read back over the piece and tweak your punctuation.

This is a excellent poem. I like it so much, I'm going to look for some more of your work.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thank yous for such a well considered review Momzilla. Inter is to entomb or bury and is what I had hoped to convey. I have run through the punctuation and the pauses are where I read them but will look again.

[MomzillaNC]

I understand the intent was "inter." But, some folks will misread that. My husband and my son, who happened to be reading over my shoulder at that moment (don't you HATE that?) both thought you meant "enter."

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ah and I am the dyslexic illiterate lol! Perhaps it is the difference between UK and USA 'English'?

[John Alexander McFadyen]

OK changed it to entomb.

[MomzillaNC]

Oh yes! That gives unimpeachable clarity to the intended turn of phrase. Personally, I like the forms of the word "inter" better, but we all want our poetry to be understood when we share it, don't we?

[Frieda P]

Sigh, I have no clue how to respond to this one, it tears me apart since I know whence it came, and I feel for both injured participants.....the angst is palpable.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I, the subjugated, bow in honour of your love of all my Lady!