My Vow

Love is.

My Vow

I feel so fortunate

that you have let me in

and I will hold you forever

in the worship of my minds eye.

I will wrap you gently

in the tissue of my honest heart

and offer you my unworthy

soul to keep

as I carry you carefully,

with devotion,

in my strong and willing arms,

protected and loved

and adored on this

our joyful journey.

 

12/04/15

Reviews

[Matching Socks]

A beautiful breathtaking promise.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Isn't that was love is supposed to feel like? It is an experience often underrated these days. Thank you Ana.

[Kelly Scheppers]

"I will wrap you gently
in the tissue of my honest heart"

...such a lovely turn of words, John!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ha! they are my feelings Kelly, but historical ones for now. Many thank yous always!

[ANTO]

I interjected down the page in the discussion between your good self and Glen but I'll put my review here anyway.
I really liked the various images of devotion you painted here. The delicacy of wrapping the other in tissues of the heart (a great phrase by the way); the offertory and admission to being unworthy was ironically very worthy (of a Catholic Mass) - for its what we say prior to taking holy eucharist so that definitely resonated with me.
One of your strongest yet John, my friend.
:)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am very grateful and honored to have both you and Glen really read my work and take the time to make such positive observations. Thank you Anto.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I will say this speaks from the heart...so who is the person...on the receiving end...the words are for a moment and endearing in that way...as for the last part I do question...but again that's for you to decide:

My Vow
I feel so fortunate
that you have let me in
and I will hold you forever
in the worship of my minds eye.
I will wrap you gently
in the tissue of my honest heart
and offer you my unworthy
soul to keep
as I carry you carefully,
with devotion,
in my strong and willing arms,
protected and loved
and adored on this
our joyful journey.

---

My Vow
I feel so fortunate
that you have let me in
and I will hold you forever
in the worship of my mind's eye.
I will wrap you gently
in the tissue of my honest heart
and offer you my unworthy
soul to keep
as I carry you carefully,
with devotion,
in my strong and willing arms,
protect and love
and adore on this day
our joyful journey.

---

seems to me that the ending lines were missing something...and again this is just my observation...and IMPO...but you can take it as a grain of salt or otherwise...good day...

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Glen for your attention to detail and taking so much trouble with your helpful reviews. I have looked at this suggestion and I was trying to avoid the direct connection with marriage vows (which 'day' brings closer) as I wanted to recognise we should make vows to one another simply as a loving gesture always and not just on one day.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I see your point...I came to that part...and did a retake...but now with your explanation...its a bit more clear and focused...you're welcome...I look at everything in one's writing...just the way I was thought by my English professors...yet you will never see me use "it" and "itself"..just ingrained in me by them to think and reach for the actual word than use "it"...and made me into who I am today...very fortunate to have 3 back to back PhD...while in school...they brought out the best in me...and my English...gets me in trouble here at the Cafe...being too picky...with how I observe one's work...but I'm here to help and better the craft...if they could see pass...everyone gets an "A" each time...for what they post here...does not work that way...in my view of things...

[ANTO]

I can see Glens point here John in as much as the words adore-d, protect-ed, love-d all appear to be in a different state or tense and therefore not as impactful as them being without the '-d' or '-ed' suffix - but then I see your aim here in using them in that they are meant to convey a continuing state of being; not a past state. I think Glen prefers the 'here and now-ness' of those words without their suffixes. Theres merit in both cases.
I would agree with you however that the inclusion of the word 'day' - as suggested by Glen alters the whole slant of the write.
And I am unanimous in that.
:)