Numb

Life can be so difficult.

My breath is stuck

inside my chest.

Trapped in this

tortured torso,

where demons

seem to think

it is their right

to roam.

I cannot breathe,

I cannot feel,

I cannot think,

I cannot even

be me anymore.

I don't know,

after all these years,

just who lives

in this soulless

burnt out shell.

I feel the shards

of guilt cutting deep

with every swallow,

and in my head

there is no hope,

only the black tar

of fear and futility

remains.

04/04/19

Author's Note

Reviews

[Emily L]

Such a vulnerable poem. I could feel each line building up in my chest. The way you worded each line so abruptly and straight forward really intensifies the poem and helps the reader feel what you are trying to get across. Amazing imagery and an overall honest relatable piece of work!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thanks Emily.

[@_av_poetry]

There is always hope. And feeling guilt is better than feeling nothing.
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
Dark poem but relatable to those suffering from depression.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I agree wholly. Many thanks.

[gram linski]

Awesome writing, John, a dark thing visits, and you must succumb, I haven't worked in the mental health industry for 30 years and you sound perfectly sane to me, possibly a bad thing,

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You John the Baptist and I all in mental health at one time or other. Insanity is procaiming sanity is it not? Lack of insight lol What did you do and where did you work?

[gram linski]

I went off my head and my girlfriend went undercover in German psych ward,lol insider shinformation,scary place to be, the mental health history was a slight piss take on John The Baptist, sorry, dude,

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You toad lol!

[John the Baptist]

I worked in the mental health field for years and I know depression when I see it. The despair, the emotional numbness, possibly even physical symptoms are there in these lines. If I were still prescreening and someone spoke these words to me, I would definitely start thinking about getting them hospitalized for their own protection.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Having been a mental health professional for over three decades I have seen it all like you have. Many thanks.

[NuocMia_Prawn]

This is simple, yet it resonates strongly in me. The emotions are so intense that I can actually feel them as I read. Beautiful and relatable.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am touched by your lovely review and humbled that it resonates.

[Relic]

John, this is one of the best I've read from you. The macabre vibe that emanates off the page is fit for a horror movie with a dark character as the lead. Superb, dark and sinister writing from you on this one. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much. From a poet such as you it means a greast deal. Thank you!

[Ecneartia]

I felt every single word. Being trapped inside your skin is a necessary step towards creating yourself. Give your demons a wink and make them blush.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ah my demons are a tad tamer mostly. Many thanks.

[Chris Shaw]

An unpleasant place to be. At odds with your mind and emotions. Comes across as a chaotic place to reside. I wouldn't want to be there. Well conveyed.

Chris

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed, and many people find themeslves here Chris. many thanks.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i have days with feelings like this...yes, for sure.
why i am here, what the heck have i really done with my life...and why am i falling so much apart?
Age starts making us question ourselves and our worth.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed it does Jacob and at least if we are pondering this we know we are still alive! Many thanks Jacvob.

[kentuck14]

John,
There is great sadness present in this poem . . . If this is real I will pray for you . . . even though I know you are not a believer. Don't want to intrude on your space, but I come as a friend.
Tom

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Tom you are indeed a good person and I admire those who have faith of any kind just so long as they don't use it to bully, suppress or wage war. So far as the poem is concerned, I think the truth is that many of us have or are sometimes in darker places. Most of my writing comes from having been there but currently just struggling like everyone else. Thank you so much for your kindness.

[kentuck14]

John, I would agree . . . life can be tough . . . my faith helps me a lot. Yes, faith should never be a club, an instrument of domination . . . it is too precious and fragile thing to abuse. Thanks for the reply.
Tom