Black Water

[Edit] Looking back, this really was a nice piece. I changed it a bit and removed some errors and beat breaks.

When you think of water,

You see the clear purity that of you drink.

You don't see the dark water sitting so still on this black sea.

I find for my reflection, but all I see is your face, your smile, stuck in mine.

It makes me sick,

Though how free I am, your image is still forever sealed to me, and my thoughts.

I hold my glass tight, nearly enough to break, and dip it into your waters.

Small lights dance abound me, crying, and begging not to drink.

Whispers float to my ear of the dangers it will cause me.

I drink none the less.

I felt weak, like when you left.

I take a sip more.

Enlightend.

Filled with lust and joy.

Though it quickly fades.

Tired of emotions, just wanting it to be over with.

I die slowly as the snow white cloth dips into the murky water.

Eyes opening and closing slower and slower.

I loved you.

You did this to me.

Thank you.....

Author's Note

Edited. I think this is much better.

Reviews

[.........]

Love it! It's powerful. This, this "water" is something more than just water. it means a lot, and your words are intricately woven, clearly not as a mistake. I don't see how you could not admire your own work when it's this good. The story behind what you wrote is not in my knowledge bank, which creates many, many ideas in my head, and I'm in love with the way you created this. The beginning is relating to the reader, asking questions without the obvious question marks everywhere, and in the "have you ever" style, wow, i really like this. "I tae a sip more. Enlightened. Filled with lust and joy. Though it quickly fades." LOVE. Awesome write.

[Taylor Jade]

I really like this one, the title is what made me want to read it. I don't see why you don't like it though, its a flawless piece! The meaning is very strong and the wording is powerful. Good write(:

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Powerful.