Deception Is My Light

A poem I wrote after the man of my dreams broke my heart and I was in my darkest moment.

My world is spinning. Drowning in confusion. Suffocating on the path that I’m lost on scavenging through the filth in hopes I can find what is slightly used to help me get by with these emotions as they tear down my soul.

 Eating at my heart, dragging along the reminders of everything I lost. That I will never be good enough to ever call this place my home. A disappointment to those I thought I once loved. 

They watch me spin out of control and laugh as I fall. This is what family is for. A lecture on the mistakes you have made that are on constant repeat in your brain. 

A rejection plucks at your strings taunting you reminding you that you will always be rejected. It fills the empty holes holding up your structure.

 A jenga block on the verge of tilting. Tumbling to the filth where you belong. A rejection on top of many. Building a wall sky high. Squinting to see past the sun wondering when it will ever end. Never ending. 

A war zone flows through my body. Men posted constants battle. Fat, clots, pinched nerves. Fatigue, so much fatigue. To sleep away the pain as the military man taunts my mind screaming “you’re worthless. Everything I never wanted”. Restless nights. Scattered tears. I forever will feel hopeless. As I’m attached to the leash I will never be able to get free of. 

Author's Note

Finally past this <3

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[Chris]

Takes more than mere time... takes healing.