A Place of Death and Gods

wip

It is a feathering thought lost inside a perfect seam

These gods and alligators 

A maze of serpents 

Ministers of fog

Amble centurions stemming the ledges of light

Milking the muddy thoughts 

Their swampy perch 

Lust-gorged on breast-burdened maidens

A signature synapse perhaps

And to what is then why

Their eyelids have wounds of us

This world a power of none

I dance and the menace of rain becomes reality

I crawl and the road crumbles to swallow 

I am in the "where" the penniless charmers drone

As if a country would froth from their last words spoken into

Every mouth

And the faces hang in the paint chips of vacant windows 

Long since faded into toil and the fabric 

Formed in this spindled place of time

I dream the smiling aisles abandoned 

I enlist in the orphaned sandy iron meld of ants

A brave wanderer 

Gypsy to the southern light

Witness to the spanish blue-star

Only the pen has a mine to save 

Our daily dowel becomes enough

But I count no soldiers to the gate

No prisoners free beyond

The hush of rustic shades pulls tight 

A savior from the jungle winds 

No release but the warm strain under the tarp

The scale of glass lies broken

The fever claws in ion deference

Now I bury the young bread and broken   

Ships of twelve 

The lover shared same

The mad hands that played to the hungers of one

And sometimes we became the dog

And sometimes we lied trembling in the cage

And sometimes we locked our imaginations into the core of god

And sometimes the breath was good

And this was our mighty road lined in the gold of wheat 

Our sins the only horse home

A summer hill where the children grew and we 

Watched in our chairs of old and fat

This was the oil for the wars of life 

Tapped

 

It is a feathering thought dropped in a fickle seam

All of these 

Gods and sleepy crocodiles

They keep us from our tongues of darkness

They shame us from the rungs of war and 

The miles of bones between 

We are bound for death and gods 

Walking in numbers

End to end .

Reviews

[blackbird]

"A brave wanderer

Gypsy to the southern light

Witness to the spanish blue-star

Only the pen has a mine to save..."

I love the way this poem knits things together in my mind--It was almost like as I was reading, I was following a thread in the dark and things were getting lighter as I went along--rewarding ending too. Love the words you weave! :)

[Perdition]

"A thread in the dark", I like that Thanks Gypsy Crow…looking forward to reading your work1

[xMiss_Psychosis_Phantom..]

I have had you as a friend in my contacts for a while, but I rarely looked at your writing. To be perfectly honest, this was beautifully written like most of your other poetry. It is such a shame that I have not been keeping up with your profile. I'll do that more in the future.

Things I enjoyed:

1) imagery: You had HEAVY amounts of imagery, which is something I look for when I am reading a poem. Imagery draws a reader into the reading, and the tone and mood are completely given by using this poetic and literature device. I love it and it is done perfectly in this piece.

2) Indirect Metaphors: I am a huge fan of indirect metaphors. They have always been something that I have enjoyed because I like comparisons between objects. You did it wonderfully in this poem. :)

3) Free Verse: My love for Free Verse poems is not describable. I simply admire Free Verse writers because to write a well written Free Verse poem, is actually a lot harder than it looks. Not many people understand what the style is because it has no main rules to it. Therefore, it gives a poetry writer a challenge with no set of instructions.

Honestly, this is where I am supposed to say what I did not enjoy/ what needs to be fixed about the poem, but I have nothing that I just did not like, or that can be corrected in your poem. This is actually not the easiest thing to get me to do, so congrats to you on leaving me without any correction, but you really do have a wonderful piece here, and I cannot wait to read more of your work in the future!

[Perdition]

a wonderfully well thought-out review…such wealth is as rare as its source. Thanks Quill!!

[xMiss_Psychosis_Phantomx]

You are welcome :)

[Priscilla Sayers]

Perfection! Such splendor we have to see
To read
To reach
Beyond our eyes the World of OZ
And my poetic Soul surges from you words;)

[Perdition]

Awwww shucks/Thanks Canvas!
I hope to see a post from YOU soon…..OR ELSE. :P

[Priscilla Sayers]

Lol need to work on that Dear Hawk:)

[Daniel Inger]

The Lord watched Moses break the tablets of the testimony at the base of mount Sinai, and allowed the work of His hands to be to be obliterated. Chasing runs faster then fleeing, and motion in the darkness is faster then in the light. Accepting God's sacrifice means we understand that innocence is value and takes a cradle to receive.

[Perdition]

I dare that between the infinite and finite runs a marvelous seam where innocence of need in solace dwells. AND Oh to dive with abandon and shrug away this insatiable lust for illusion. ~
Great thoughts and review…Thanks!!

[Daniel Inger]

We are good enough, too.

[Alisa Js]

Amazing! You!

I will be back... with more cohesive thoughts....


Alisa ;-)

p.s. I posted one as well. thoughts?

[Perdition]

It most probably will have been revised a thousand times by then…just getting my sea knees back.
Thanks~

[Alisa Js]

I think it is a magnificent work in progress... a continuing tribute to the amazing talent you possess.... do you see what I mean? Even with revisions, your words take the reader somewhere....for those moments in time transported into a world of wonder

:-)

I'll be back...

[Alisa Js]

..into a world filled with imagery that dances in the mind's eye as the emotion begins to build like a wave of energy flowing around and over the soul...